Gilmore Girls
You Jump, I Jump, Jack

Episode Report Card
Pamie: C | 1 USERS: A+
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Being An Asshole Is Really Expensive

Okay, Emily's. Lorelai's going on about the bumper sticker. I take my first drink for the really ugly heart dress. In the sitting room, Lorelai continues her bumper-sticker obsession, coming up with an idea for a reality show where people who have those "Honk" bumper stickers have to do whatever their stickers says, and then eat bugs. What do you do if you have a "Honk if you're horny" bumper sticker? Emily tells Lorelai she heard there's a boyfriend. Lorelai immediately assumes that Rory's the rat, but in fact, Kirk told Emily. I like how Emily has three drinks to her side: a glass of milk, a martini, and some kind of large cola-type drink. It's like she's playing along with me. There's a long story about how Emily ended up on the phone with Kirk, but it's not worth transcribing. Emily wants to know why Lorelai was hiding her relationship with Luke. Lorelai says she's not hiding her relationship, and that the only reason she reacted so strongly upon hearing that Emily had spoken to Kirk is that Kirk belongs in a world that has nothing to do with Emily: "It's as if I out of the blue told you I was having tea with Mrs. Von Uppity." Emily: "Who?" Lorelai: "Hortense Von Uppity? Tight bun? Lace collar? Tiny poodle? Fictional friend?" Emily tells Lorelai to start merging her worlds together and share some details. She wants to re-meet, in their current capacity. Emily sets a date for next week to meet Lorelai's "gentleman caller." She says she doesn't want to meet an insignificant passing ship. Lorelai tells her mother that Luke isn't insignificant. Did Emily even meet Max? Rory: "Honk if Emily Gilmore views your mind as her personal playground." Lorelai: "Honk, honk."

Doyle, who I didn't exactly miss, is freaking out about the newspaper's accuracy while he downs some pills. Rory -- whose hair is growing at the same rate as mine and who is thus giving me some good pointers in this episode -- asks Doyle how he's doing. Doyle says that Charles Kuralt ate aspirin like candy, but that he "also ate candy like candy, thus the belly like Jell-O." He then regrets the swipe, since the man is dead. Rory tells Doyle she's got a contact in the Life & Death Brigade. Rory says that her contact will remain anonymous, but that she's going to tell this story from the inside. Doyle and Rory congratulate themselves for running around the newsroom discussing an anonymous source in a very All the President's Men sort of way.

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Gilmore Girls

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