The door is opened by another new maid. Luke takes the sprinkler rod, which I'm now convinced it is, and that's just weird. I'm sure Emily doesn't have to water her lawn with seven different spouts like we do. Luke introduces himself to the maid. She introduces herself back as "a maid." Emily saunters in as if she's already had a go-round on the pink elephant, calling Luke their "honored guest." Emily tells Luke to call her "Emily." Lorelai asks for drinks. "We're in the foyer," Emily says. Emily says that Luke might want a tour. Lorelai says all of the rooms in the house out loud as his tour. Luke tells Emily that her house is beautiful. Emily says they don't make them like this anymore: "They make them out of cardboard now. White boxes with heating vents." Hey! Lorelai says, "Gin!" Emily asks if Lorelai has Tourette's, in a rather out-of-character question for her to ask. Lorelai says she thought they asked what she wanted to drink. Lorelai asks for a gin martini. Emily says she made a pitcher, but they're vodka. Mmm. That would be so much better than recapping right now. Emily asks Luke if he'd like a beer. She says the word "beer" like some of us say "spam" or "tofu" or, in my case, "Gin." Lorelai says that Luke might want to choose his own drink. Luke says that beer is perfect. Emily carries over a tray of martinis and one big ol' pilsner glass of beer. Why do I know what a pilsner glass is? Because when you've spent hours at Crate&Barrel.com flipping through glassware for your registry, you pick up a few things here and there. Emily says that the beer is "nice and cold" and makes her "almost" want one herself. Luke, before taking the first sip, offers Emily "some" of his. Emily's face is frozen in a forced grin as she changes the subject to Luke's diner. Lorelai tries to get Emily to back off, but Luke doesn't see where the night is headed, so he says the diner's doing great. Emily tells Luke she found the diner to be charming: "Nice and rustic." Lorelai coughs her mother a warning. Emily asks if Lorelai needs a cough drop. Luke says that Lorelai is fine. Emily asks Lorelai where her martini went. Lorelai: "To a happy place?" She says she wants another one like Pavarotti wants another donut. Emily goes to check on dinner as Luke pours Lorelai another martini.
"Unbelievable," Luke grumbles, once they're alone. "I know; she didn't make nearly enough," Lorelai says, referring to the pitcher. "I meant you," Luke says. "You're acting crazy." Lorelai's mouth drops to the floor: "She's insulting you!" Luke says that Emily is being perfectly nice. Lorelai tells him that Emily's been saying awful things about him, including calling his diner "rustic," which means "crap pile." Or how "charming" means "doggie poopie." Luke says "unbelievable" again. Lorelai can't believe her mother gave Luke beer, which is backhand slang for "nitwit juice." Luke tells Lorelai she's reading way too much into this, but Lorelai says he should defer to the Gilmore expert in the room. Luke asks her to calm down, since she's making him nervous. Luke says he's a grown man, and that this isn't his first foray into the big city. (You mean "foyer," Luke. It's where they keep the panic room? Luke says that for Lorelai to make constant comments after everything Emily says makes Luke appear weak, and that he doesn't want to be weak. So in other words, shut your mouth, woman. Luke doesn't need your help. Let him suffer his own cocky consequences.