"Everyone," Paris shouts. "I have a little announcement." She says that it has become increasingly clear that she has become the story at the Yale Daily News and that it has overshadowed their journalistic efforts. (I am thinking some of speech this was taken from Howell Raines's resignation at The New York Times, but I can't source it. I feel like it's from something.) "Well," she says, "I don't want to be the story at my own newspaper, because then I'd be Judith Miller, and I'd have to wear my bangs too long, and overdo my lipstick." Hee. She says she doesn't want that and therefore is tendering her resignation immediately. She says that the paper has overcome numerous obstacles in its august history and that it will easily overcome this. "My resignation will be a loss," she says. "But it will be a loss the Daily News can survive, and will survive, and it is a loss it must survive. Luke is at the Inn, drilling something (not like that!), complaining to Lorelai about going to her parents' house for dinner. "Your parents are not warm people," he says, making the understatement of the century. Lorelai agrees: "They were extras in March of the Penguins." Luke suggests that maybe they could go and just skip the drinks portion of the evening. "Luke," Lorelai says, "you don't skip the one activity that makes the rest of the evening miraculously tolerable. The drinks fortify us! The drinks give us strength! The drinks...get us drunk!" Hear, hear. Luke says it just takes forever, and that he'll have to sit there and talk to Richard about stocks and literature and feel like an idiot because he knows nothing about either: "How many times can two people have the same awful conversation?" Oh, Luke. If you could only meet my father-in-law. Lorelai says that her plan to get out earlier is to fake food poisoning during the dessert course and have Luke rush her to the car. "Fake stomach pain is my specialty," she says. "That, and getting my fiancé to agree to horrible things he hates!"