Richard goes on, saying that Luke's daughter's suddenly appearing out of nowhere raises a red flag. "Do you think she's a grifter?" Lorelai jokes. The Grandparents say of course not, but that the people around her could be. The timing, Richard says, is a bit suspect, especially now, when Luke is about to marry a woman of means. "I'm not a woman of means," Lorelai insists, but Richard says that the Stars Hollow real estate market is skyrocketing: her home and her Inn are worth a lot. Luke and Lorelai are getting more and more nervous. Emily and Richard ask questions about the DNA test April and her alleged uncle allegedly performed on Luke's hair. Luke says he "thinks" the uncle is authorized to perform such tests. "You never confirmed it?" Emily asks. Luke: "I saw a picture of him...he was standing right next to a microscope." Finally, someone casts aspersions on this crazy storyline. The Grandparents say that when Luke and Lorelai get married on June 3rd (as if!), they'll all be connected, and thus all their assets are in jeopardy, and as the maid brings in dessert, L & L look across the table at each other in horror.
After dinner, the stagger out the door, exhausted. (This is, incidentally, may be my favorite Luke and Lorelai scene of the whole series.) "I didn't realize," Luke says, breathless, "that there were so many horrible ways you could lose everything you own." Lorelai can barely stand up: "Con men!" she shouts. "Con men! Are there really con men? I thought they went the way of vaudevillians and Trotskyites." They have a very funny and increasingly panicked conversation, frantically listing all the ways the con men could come after them and their families and everyone they know. When they get all the way to Sookie and Jackson, the ridiculousness of the situation finally hits Lorelai. "This is what Gilmores do!" she says. "They get in your freakin' head and they mess with it!" Luke: "Oh, they're good at that!" Lorelai says that she and Luke are adults, and that they have it under control and can talk over their coverage with their insurance guys. "But in person, right?" Lorelai says of Luke's guy. "You should see his office. That's what the Hubert Lansing story taught us!" Luke is confused. "Or was it John Kendall?" he says. "No," Lorelai reminds him. "He's selling banjos in Nashville." Luke nods and says it was Hubert Lansing, and agrees that he should see his insurance guy in person. Luke wonders if he should be worried about April after all, but says he trusts his gut, and doesn't suspect Anna of running a con on him. Lorelai says that she trusts his gut, too, and feels like she should run back into the house and yell at her parents about something. "What is this feeling..." Luke asks, hand over heart. "This tightness in the chest...this anger, mixed with paralyzing weakness?" Lorelai pffts. "You've been Gilmored!" she says. "But you know what the weird thing is? They referred to us as family. You. Me." Luke agrees that that was crazy, and Lorelai says that in some twisted way, it may have been her parents validating them as a couple. They take deep breaths, trying to recover, when it dawns on Luke that Emily had mentioned June 3rd as their wedding date. "Oh," Lorelai covers. "Old information. They're always a step behind."