Girls Club
Book Of Virtues

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Book Of Virtues

Sarah and Paunchy Boozehound have dinner and drinks. Um, is this a good idea now? No? Fine, just checking. Stacy Keach asks how many times he has to tell her to "forget it!" A lot of times. She parries, "You keep calling me a hooker, you fart!" He looks taken aback. She's just trying to use his language. Damn hell fart! Yeah, it's easy. Hooker hooker hooker! Woo! She keeps pressing: Stacy "owes it to the public." Stacy says, "Screw the people! And screw you." He guzzles some wine, and Sarah asks if he ever considered drinking less. He looks at her, and starts telling a story about how me once met a young woman, "a flower [he] had to pollinate, turns out she was a Venus Flytrap...." Oh, Jack, honey? Get in here. Bring Bongo with you. I need you both. Sarah interrupts him and asks how it felt when she came up to him on the street and said she admired him. He had to "have felt something." Creepy? Hollow and phony? Like he was being used? Stacy says he thinks she'll be a good lawyer, but he "no longer cares." Hey, wow, me too!

Gretchen Mol and her nipples, Twinky and Blue, toss and turn in bed. A stupid mid-tempo Caryl Schrow song plays on. Gretchen tosses, her nipples poke through her tank top, and at 2:01, she picks up the Booty Phone and dials. Come over. Mama needs looove.

Jeannie -- still working, still in that horrible sailor top -- is up. A cover of "I'm So Tired" starts up, and fuck if it isn't the worst cover of a decent song ever. Ugly shirt, terrible show, and horrible fucking music -- a hellish triumvirate with the signature time stamp of David E. Kelley. Gretchen gets schtupped in bed. Her moans wake up Sarah, and Kevin. Kevin comes out and asks when Jeannie will be done working already so he can get laid. She laughs in his face. He asks if she really thinks Michael is gay. She says her "radar" tells her so. How lame is that? She also says they "get a lot of one-ring hang-ups when he's here, like someone's trying to signal him or something." Wow, Jeannie is a paranoid freak: "He's cheating." Sarah scuffs out in her slippers and asks who's cheating. Oh, Michael? He's not cheating. Gretchen's love monkey comes out, says hi, and leaves. Gretchen comes out, having gotten her nut, and joins the conversation. She can't sleep because she's being deposed tomorrow, remember? Sarah asks, "Hasn't it been a jif yet?"

Armin and Giancarlo walk Gretchen into the deposition. Armin says the goal isn't to win, but not to lose. Kind of like a new TV series. And this loses. Big-time. Armin tells her not to give anything away, nor to offer anything, and not to answer a question if he objects. She smiles tightly and says yes.

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Girls Club

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