Just as the Vanessa Williams prophecy foretold, The Glee Project went and saved the best for last. The final episode title is "Glee-ality," and I couldn't even begin to tell you what the hell that means. I also can't believe that the narrator just said Ali, the wheelchair girl, "rolled" right through the competition. Tonight, we throw standards out the window. Tonight is the Glee Project finale.
It comes as no surprise that they all want to win. It does come as a surprise, though, that they all react with even a modicum of recognition as Robert Ulrich tells them this week's theme is "Glee-ality."
"You saying that just made everything more real," Aylin tells Robert. You can't turn that into a real word, though. I won't allow it. Their homework assignment is "You Can't Stop the Beat" from Hairspray. Oh my god, you guys, everyone is graduating. Better belt it out in the Shake Shack.
To my horror, and for no discernible reason, all the eliminated contestants are back. I had no interest in seeing Lily and Michael, after they were so unceremoniously eliminated last week, and I don't even remember that one old-looking guy's name. Why is he here? Just give me ten minutes of Dani and Nellie, and no minutes of Charlie.
Apparently they're all singing this homework assignment. Fortunately, Ali is around to boss everyone into making her the star. The guest mentor/star of the finale is Chris Colfer, who was "in many ways the inspiration for The Glee Project." Not that that's the thing he'll be hanging his hat on. Emmy winner. Whatevs. Is he the inspiration for this terrible reality competition because he plays himself in a lot of ways? Because he inspired a character on Glee based on himself? Because Ryan Murphy barely had to do any work to get that Emmy?
This song is annoying, there are too many returning characters in the room, and it doesn't show off anyone's voice. Robert pretends to enjoy it anyway. I'm still mad that Shanna was eliminated. Bringing her back is like showing us bacon on the menu, then telling us you're out of bacon. Don't do it, Old Country Buffet.
Chris Colfer liked the way Blake "kept [his] intensity," and he thought Aylin was able to keep her volume and voice up while moving, and that Ali was "a character." It sounds to me like no one won this final homework performance. Indeed, Chris picks all three contestants as the winners because, whatever, why not. Does any of this really matter? No, just ask Damian McGinty.