Glee Project

Episode Report Card
Carla Sparks: C+ | Grade It Now!
The Sexy-Off: A Losing Game

Last week, everyone did so well at crying in front of Ryan Murphy and making excuses for their unprofessional behavior that they all got to stay. And I forgot about Abraham. Like, I just completely forgot about him, even though he's a star. But this week should be interesting for a character such as Abraham, because the theme of the week is "Sexuality." Gross, and no thank you.

The youths react with delight, particularly Aylin, I would speculate. Sexuality is the one thing she's good at using to get what she wants. She's horny, and she's not even shy about it.

"I was praying I was going to be here for this week!" Aylin booms. She can't hide her excitement, and even more so because it will really disappoint her Muslim family. Nellie is less excited because she's a virgin, but look around you, Nellie. These are some virgins up in here. The homework is "I Wanna Sex You Up" by Color Me Badd.

The object of my borderline-inappropriate affection, Michael, is very comfortable with his sexuality. He considers himself "pretty experienced" and I wonder what that means to him. He looks like the type of kid who would have gotten all the dry humps at my high school. He admits he thinks math is sexy, and thinks that's a problem. No. It is not a problem. I was about to reference that song "U + Me (Calculus)" by joke boy band, 2gether, but then I realized Michael was FIVE when that song came out. Our nerd-love can never be, Michael. I'm sorry.

Mario is still struggling with his lack of self-awareness, so he's trying to tone it down, making him seem even more insufferable. They start working on the "choreography," under the vague direction of "be sexy." Because there's nothing sexier than someone trying to be sexy.

Tyler recommends the use of chairs, but he is wildly uncomfortable with this theme, every theme, and everything. He's transgender, and early in his transition, so I understand that this would be extra challenging for him, but Tyler has also had an excuse for his struggle every single week.

The Glee Project contestants are ready to perform their sexuality homework, and Abraham's hair was recently dyed black. Now there's nothing unique about him, because in the episode 1 intro, he was described as "an Asian with red hair." But it makes him feel "very masculine and confident," so more power to you, New Abraham. Robert Ulrich walks in to introduce this week's special guest: Naya Rivera. She is sexy.

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Glee Project




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