Once the kiddies have left, Sergeant Handsome appears at the classroom door to introduce himself, and Gwyneth thanks him for volunteering his "star" for the upcoming benefit. "I never approved that," Dustin grimaces, but he lets it drop for the moment in favor of commencing with the seduction, and while this whole bit was diverting enough the first time I saw it, none of it really bears repeating now, so let's cut to the chase: Sergeant Handsome offers himself up for Gwyneth's delectation, but Gwyneth politely declines, as she already has a boyfriend -- a boyfriend who arrives just in time to threaten Sergeant Handsome with bodily harm. Dustin promptly exits, though not before urging Gwyneth to consider his proposition, and once they're alone, Will and Gwyneth chat at length regarding their sure-to-be-doomed relationship, and as I totally don't give a shit about that, let's skip ahead to see what happens next, shall we?

Crap. Forgot about this scene. Rachel has acquiesced to Mercedes's every demand -- save for the Pomeranian puppy, for which Puck is at this very moment scouring several local pounds -- and yet, Mercedes remains unsatisfied, mainly because Ongina's still scheduled to sing the benefit's finale. Rachel points out that Ongina's fans promise to bring in hundreds of dollars, and that they therefore have little choice but to offer her the last song. After a brief consult with her manager, Mercedes concedes, but insists that, on the day of the benefit, "her feet never touch the ground." "Excuse me?" Rachel squeals. "Did you not see Celine's wedding?" Lauren asks. "Carried in," Mercedes notes. "Cher's comeback tour?" Lauren prompts. "Carried in," Mercedes emphasizes. "Gaga at the Grammys?" Lauren finishes. "Carried. The Hell. IN!" This is asinine. Also asinine? Commercials!

We return from the break to find Kurt escorting Blaine on a nostalgic little benefit-evening tour of McKinley's halls when suddenly, Karofsky pops up from out of nowhere to harass them, because that's what the script told him to do. Fortunately for Blaine and Kurt, Santana Lopez happens to slink around a corner in time to hear Kurt shriek, "You're real brave with your fists, but you're a coward when it comes to the truth!" and she steps forward to intervene while at the same time wondering what this "truth" is of which Kurt has been screeching. "None of your business, J.Lo!" Karofsky sneers, and as if any of us needed the reminder...