Brittany's Boudoir. The lady of the boudoir's just tucking her Ken doll in for a good night's rest -- which he will need, given the fact that Barbie's taken the red-eye from Tampa -- when she hears forest noises emanating from the family room below, and wow. Brittany's got a pink tree, y'all. I mean, it makes perfect sense, but still: Wow. In any event, Brittany scampers downstairs to find Santa Beiste arranging some very special packages under that pink tree, and she calls out, "Santa? But it's too early!" "Well, you know what they say," Santa Beiste replies. "Early's late, if you make tomorrow yesterday." I think I've been at this for far too long, because that actually makes perfect sense, as well. In any event, Santa Beiste explains that she was in the neighborhood, "doing a dry run" for Christmas Eve proper, and she decided to stop by Brittany's to have a little chat. They arrange themselves on the sofa, and Santa Beiste wonders, "Do you remember what you asked me for for Christmas?" Brittany nods happily, and confirms she'd like Artie to walk again. "Is there anything else that you want?" Santa Beiste prompts. "I mean, like, anything?" Brittany solemnly shakes her head. "Well, see," Santa Beiste hesitantly begins, clearly dreading the conversation that must follow, but she pulls herself together and valiantly continues, "Santa's been trying his best, but that one's a little hard." Brittany, not letting Santa Beiste off the hook on this one, counters that Santa's magic. Santa Beiste sighs, and proceeds to explain herself as follows: "Sometimes what Santa wants to give a good girl like you is patience, because believe it or not, there are even some things that he can't manage." Brittany blinks, more than a little slack-jawed, so Santa Beiste tries a somewhat different tack. "You know," Santa Beiste reveals, "there was a girl a little younger than you, and she was a little husky. She was always asking Santy for the same thing: To make her look more like the other girls. She wasn't askin' to be pretty or nothin', but she just didn't want to stick out so much. Santa just couldn't do it, so instead, Santa gave her patience, and later on, that girl was glad that Santy didn't give her what she asked for -- she put bein' husky to good use!" Brittany: "Was her name Ricki Lake?"
"The point is," Santa Beiste sadly concludes, "I don't think I'm gonna be able to give you what you're asking for, even though I'd like to." "But Santa!" Brittany pleads. "I'm sorry," Santa Beiste cuts her off, "but it's just not gonna happen." With that, Santa Beiste rises to her dejected feet to shuffle out the front door. "Aren't you gonna go up the chimney?" Brittany plaintively wonders. Santa Beiste thinks that one over for a second, then responds, "On dry runs, Santy uses the Isuzu." Hee. Thus so left alone, Brittany slumps back into the depths of the next commercial break, by now most thoroughly depressed.