McKinley Music Room, and oh, Jesus. Let's wrap this Sparky Polastri subplot up quickly, now shall we? Long story short, Dakota Stanley arrives for the first rehearsal and proceeds to insult every single one of the main characters -- in the most amusing manner, I should probably note, where Finn is concerned, calling him "Frankenteen" and bashing him for being so "freakishly tall" -- so Rachel finally retrieves her spine from Quinn and fires him on behalf of all her fellow Glee Clubbers. Also: "Confidence." AAAAAUAUAUAUUUUUAUUUGH. Are we done here? Good.
PTA Meeting. Backstage, Finn's distressed to learn he's expected to wear mascara, especially because -- as he mentioned during that earlier scene with Will -- the football team's already taken to calling him "Deep Throat" during huddles. In other news, my gloriously horny husband's most stoked indeed at the prospect of all the MILFs in attendance. Will arrives for a last-minute pep talk, but he's instantly upstaged by Sandy Ryerson, who bursts into the dressing room to announce breathlessly, "He's here! He's here! Josh Groban is here, front row, big brown eyes, cute as a buttermilk biscuit, I barfed!" Hee! Sandy, in his overexcited state, usurps Will's authority by calling for places himself, and we're off to...
...the stage, where The Acafellas dive into their version of Color Me Badd's "I Wanna Sex You Up," and while it's better than the original, that's not much of a compliment considering how utterly craptastic the original is to begin with. I must admit, though, that Will, Finn, and my glorious husband Puck are looking mighty sharp in their black tie, and my favorite moment of course arrives when Puck falls back to the floor to hump up at the air while pointing Sexy Fingers in Sue Sylvester's direction, partly because, well, duh, but mainly because Sue Sylvester -- clad in her most formal black Adidas track suit for the festivities -- reacts with such a tantalizing and hysterical mix of shock, disgust, mortification, and abject arousal. Hee! Oh, also: Emma's wearing yet another delightful outfit. Oh, also also: Henri's in the audience with a hook where his right hand should be. HA!
And then it's over. Backstage, Sandy bloviates to a supremely uninterested Principal Figgins whilst clutching a congratulatory opening night bouquet of pink roses and baby's breath to his chest, but he quickly goes all atwitter when Josh Groban arrives in the dressing area with his bodyguard, Flex. Josh Groban, who'd been in town to induct Run-D.M.C. into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame, thought he'd drop by to...serve Sandy a restraining order. D'OH! "Stop e-mailing me!" Josh Groban cries. "Stop sending me nude photos! Stop calling me -- I don't know how you got my number, I don't know how you got my number again after I changed it, but I don't want any more of your edible gift baskets or locks of your hair, and I don't want to read any more of those sonnets you wrote for me!" "That stuff got crazy, dude!" Flex Dot-Coms by way of agreement. Sandy, naturally, is crushed, but Josh Groban does take a moment to lighten the mood of the remaining Acafellas by giving them two thumbs up while assuring them their show was "explosive." And with that, Josh Groban exits into the final commercial break.