Glee

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Josh Groban Loves a Blowzy Alcoholic
le there you were kind of all over me, and now you just yell at me all the time." It's not just a chick thing, Finn. Just wait until Kurt starts in on you. Ooops! Spoiler!

Spoilers aside, Finn correctly guesses Rachel's still bothered by "that thing in the auditorium," but she shuts him down by claiming, "It's kind of ironic how you're Mr. Popular and I'm just this nobody that everybody makes fun of, but I have enough confidence" -- AAAAAUAUAUAUUUUUAUUUGH -- "to say out loud that what happened between us in the auditorium was real. You have feelings for me and you just don't have the guts to admit it." Finn gapes as Rachel finishes with a firm, "We're hiring Dakota Stanley." "Even if it means me quitting?" Finn threatens, regaining his voice. Rachel's all, "Yep!" and stomps right into the first commercial break.

Losing your voice yet? Try some nice, soothing lemon tea. I understand that helps.

Back from the break, the fabulous Sue Sylvester -- sporting her royal blue Adidas track suit, just in case the colors of those things ever end up meaning anything -- is quite pleased to learn her star Cheerios have been so successful "sowing the seeds of destruction" amongst the basement-dwelling vermin in the Glee Club. However -- in Sue's infallible opinion -- despite Mr. Schuester's recent abandonment of the scum, Quinn and The Quinions haven't gone anywhere near far enough. You see, back when Sue was serving in the Special Forces during Operation Just Cause when they extracted Noriega, she learned that even though you've taken out the shepherd, you still have to go after the sheep as well. In other words, Quinn and The Quinions "need to go after these Glee Clubbers one by one." Sue closes the meeting by reminding Quinn and Santana Lopez of their mission's ultimate objective: "I want my full budget restored. I need a fog machine."

Hee.

Out in the hallway, Mercedes wistfully watches several popular couples canoodling amongst the lockers for a bit before asking the just-arrived Kurt -- quite the daring little thang in his pirate-inspired chocolate-colored gold-buttoned jacket with matching scarf -- if he's ever kissed someone. Kurt, spritzing his coif: "Yes, if by 'someone,' you mean 'the tender crook of my elbow.'" Mercedes doesn't react, so Kurt drops the joking and admits he hasn't, even though he'd like to, someday. Following Mercedes's gaze (she's currently spying on my husband Mr. Puckerton, don't you know, which would seem to indicate Mercedes has excellent taste) Kurt realizes exactly what's going on in that sassy head of hers and sets to shutting that crap down posthaste, reminding her that Glee Clubbers are little more than basement-dwelling vermin as far as the rest of the school is concerned, and that "Special Ed kids will get more play" than they ever will. Still, putting a happy face on it all, he assures her they're superior to all of their peers, no matter what those peers might think themselves at the moment, and he links her arm in his to float down the hallway, successfully managing to change the topic by wondering what Mercedes intends to wear on their "Operation Dakota Stanley field trip." Mercedes wasn't aware there was a dress code, so Kurt assures her they'll hit the mall after class for something appropriate, as "every moment of your life is an opportunity for fashion." Kurt flitters off just as Quinn and Santana Lopez arrive to smile, "You should totally scoop that!" "I don't think I'm his type," Mercedes demurs. "Oh, I think you are," Quinn falsely assures her as Santana Lopez nods along. "Just follow our lead," Quinn adds, all helpful and evil and such. "We've got your back!" And thus begins the stalking of the sheep, though I'm going to channel my inner Sue Sylvester and say this: If Mercedes doesn't realize Kurt is gay, then she deserves what she's about to get.

Cut to "Benchwarmer's Sports Bar," where The Acafellas launch into their version of "Poison" by Bell Biv DeVoe, and as I somehow quite fortunately managed to escape the entire New Jack Swing movement in the early '90s, I have nothing to say about this except that Matthew Morrison looks unreasonably hot in a felt trilby, and that they've taped Henri's microphone to his hand. HA! By the end of the performance, it's clear Emma -- wearing yet another delightful outfit -- has fallen in love with Will all over again, but before we can deal with that, we have to head with Will over to the back corner of the bar, where Will's mom and dad have just sold the last of the seventeen Acafellas CDs the group saw fit to burn before this evening's performance. "And I didn't have to show any of them my bosoms!" Will's Chablis-swilling mom proudly announces, prompting his father to send her on her tottering way in search of some Sanka. Once she's wobbled off, Will's Father (and Will's parents never get proper names this evening, by the way, so apologies) admits he saved one of the seventeen CDs for his nonexistent grandson "so he can hear for himself how good his old man was," and before we can deal with that, Principal Figgins suddenly pops into the frame to congratulate Will on the "amazing performance." It was so amazing, in fact, that Figgins wants Acafellas to be the main event at next Thursday's PTA meeting. "I need those parents happy!" Figgins explains. "They found out we've been serving their children prison food!" Figgins vanishes as quickly as he'd appeared, and the next thing we know, we're back in...

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Glee

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