Maharishi's Sanctuary of Surveillance. Mike Chang is there with his father, who has just asked Figgins to arrange for random drug testing of Mike. Mike Chang, Sr., stereotypes it up by insisting that something must be wrong with Mike, since he got an A- in chemistry (the "Asian F" of the title). He absorutery won't ret anyting get in the way of Mike attending Harvard. (He doesn't really talk that way, but he might as well with the way the show is depicting him.) Mr. Chang has decided the real problem is Tina -- having her as a girlfriend is distracting Mike from his studies. Figgins has been trying to calm Mr. Chang down until now, but the mention of Tina gets him going: "We agree, sir. Tina Cohen-Chang and her vampire ways have no place in this school."
Smear sideways to an empty school corridor. Figgins is once again accosted by Vampire Tina: "Excuse me from gym all year, or I'll drain your spicy curry blood!" I suspect Figgins is mild curry at best.
Back in his office, Mr. Chang is telling the Maharishi that Mike is either on drugs or has over-extended himself. He wants Mike to quit New Directions, since it's not the kind of activity that will help him get into Harvard. Mike begs for one more chance, and even agrees to pay for a chemistry tutor.
Locker room. Coach Beiste has called the football team together for three reasons. First, she wants to explain why she's walking with crutches: "I kicked a fire hydrant when I found out Ace of Cakes was cancelled." Well, that's a perfectly normal reaction. We focus in on Mike Chang, lost in his thoughts, and miss most of the second announcement from the Panther, except that it has something to do with the boys' "bat caves and [their] bramble patches." Which, based on the coach's gestures, refers to their eyebrows and pubic hair. Third, she reminds them, including specifically Azimio, that they're all dancing in West Side Story unless they are specifically excused. Azimio raises a fuss, but the Panther doesn't care.
Cafeteria. Mercedes' new boyfriend carries his tray towards a table and notices Mercedes and Rachel giving each other a hug. When Mercedes walks up to him, he asks her what he just saw: "You just hugged your arch-nemesis right before the audition. You think before I cleat some dude I hug him? You think Wonder Woman hugs the Cheetah before the Amazonian smackdown?" He tells her that all the times she's made him watch Dreamgirls, she claims to be Beyoncé, but she acts more like Effie White. He thinks she's better than Rachel, and she tells him that he's the first person to ever tell her that. She clearly doesn't read the forums.