Back in the present, Finn asks what Tina said to Artie when she dumped him. Smear sideways again, to the cafeteria. Tina tells Artie that he's a great guy but a terrible boyfriend who ignored her for weeks during the summer. Artie thinks that was totally justified because he was trapped in a game of Halo. Tina tells him, "Mike tries to be into what I'm into. Like his abs." Back in the present, Finn wheels Artie around and tells him he really doesn't see how he could be on the football team. Artie thinks that if someone pushes him down the field, he can be like a human battering ram. It must not be Finn's turn to use the brain that he shares with Will and Brittany, because he decides that sounds like a great idea, and he agrees to help Artie. Finn sees the blond singing kid and introduces himself and Artie. The blond's name is Sam. And he has the biggest lips you've ever seen. Finn points out that since he's the quarterback, he's very cool, so Sam should consider joining Glee Club.
The straight men of Glee Club sit in the music room while Sam stands near the piano. Finn asks Sam to tell them about himself. While he talks about his love of comic books and sports, Puck can't stop staring at him. "Dude, your mouth is huge. How many tennis balls can you fit in there?" Can any human being fit even one tennis ball in their mouth? (Please don't send me pictures demonstrating that's possible.) Sam: "I don't know. I've never had any balls in my mouth. Have you?" This is the exact moment the show was paused in the home of every gay man in America, as we all needed to cool ourselves off. Finn and Artie decide they like Sam's confidence, although Artie thinks, "the Bieber cut's got to go." Anyway, Sam's never really sung in front of anyone, but he does know how to play guitar and tells them he'll sing Travie McCoy's "Billionaire." And they all join in with him. Along with the Glee Club quintet backing them up. And Mike Chang dances. They finish, and it's clear that Sam had a blast. So he agrees to come back and do it in front of the rest of the club. Commercials.
Kurt and Mercedes play around at the piano when Rachel comes in and tells them, "Ladies, we have a problem. There is a new student at this school named Sunshine who is a Filipina and is shorter than me, which I didn't think was possible and is very unnerving." Mercedes is wondering where she left her tranquillizer gun. But Rachel tells them that Sunshine has a remarkable voice. "I'm very worried. Not for myself, but for my lesser Glee Clubbers who don't get many solos." So she paid $100 to the same jock meatheads who always slushy them to slushy the three of them in front of Sunshine, so she'll see that it sucks to be in Glee Club and decide not to join. Rachel waits for their grateful praise, but they look at her aghast and Mercedes tells her that she's awful. Kurt notes that he and Mercedes are at the very top of the self-involvement scale, but they'd rather beat Vocal Adrenaline than get more solos, which means they need every good singer they can get. Rachel takes a breath, plasters on the fakest of fake smiles and tells them that they're right: "It's just so like me to be totally blinded by my concern for the two of you." Rachel tells them that she'll go see Sunshine and tell her that she's welcome to audition.