And then we get a quick montage of Jewfro asking questions of various Glee Club members. To Will: "When exactly did you ink your sponsorship with Land's End?" To Rachel (who is lost in the camera's loving gaze): "When are you slated to make your triumphant return to the Shire?" To Mike Chang: "How do you get the white on rice?" To Quinn: "What did you do with all that breast milk?"
And then Kurt emerges from the bathroom and gives a speech that seems directed, at, well, us. You and me. "You know what, Jacob? It doesn't take much courage for people to park their cottage-cheese behinds in their barcaloungers, and log onto the internet and start tearing people down, does it? But you know what does take some courage? Standing up and singing about something. So here's a message for everyone that reads your blog [gleekette.com?]: next time, instead of posting an anonymous comment online, say what you have to say to my face." Kurt, I'll have you know that it takes a lot of courage to sit in my barcalounger, because it has a couple of broken springs that can be very painful if you sit on them the wrong way. Also, my behind is more the consistency of Greek yogurt than cottage cheese. Also also, we love you too, showrunners. However, someone does not love Kurt, as he gets a face full of red slushy at that exact moment, from the hand of one of the football jocks that tormented him last year. Kurt, with quiet dignity, wipes the corn syrup and ice from his eyes and asks if Jewfro might consider cutting out that last part. Jewfro, who knows Youtube gold when he sees it, will not. And then he reaches out, picks up a large piece of red ice from Kurt's lapel, and eats it. Title card.
It's activity sign-up time at McKinley High. We see a bulletin board covered with sign-up sheets for the Mock U.N., Chemistry Club, Fruit Sculpture Club, and Gardening Club, all covered with dozens of names from interested students. And then there's the Glee Club sign-up sheet, which reads "New Directions: No Tryouts. Just Sign Up!" And not a single student has signed. And then there's the sign-up sheet for Cheerios tryouts, which is about a hundred pieces of paper on a clipboard with a sign above it reading "No Fatties!" And a long line of girls already in Cheerios uniforms signing up.
Sue walks up to the board to find Will looking at this empty sign-up sheet with some concern. With much less derision in her voice than she usually has when speaking to Will, she asks him why he's so glum. Will thinks that since Nationals are in New York City this year, the list will fill up in no time. Of course, that assumes that the club that came in third at Regionals last year will even make it to Nationals. Sue tells him the problem is his little "no auditions" policy. Sue: "Nobody wants to be part of a club just anybody can join." And then she shows him an official looking document: "See this? Court summons, child endangerment. There's been a line of would-be Cheerios out there since late July. I guess they lost their humanity a little bit. One girl ate a pigeon. Several others started worshipping a possum carcass as their lord. That's how much they want to be Cheerios." But Will is sticking with his no-auditions policy. Sue: "I like being friends with you Will, this is fun. You make not trying to destroy Glee Club easy. You know why? 'Cause you're doing such a bang-up job of it all by yourself." And then she gets a page -- Maharishi Figgins wants to see the two of them.