Finn's locker. Artie is trying to convince Finn to help him try out for the football team. He figures if Kurt can play, so can he. Finn: "Being gay isn't a handicap, Artie." But Artie's desperate to get on the team, so he can impress Tina. He admits to Finn that Tina dumped him for Mike Chang, after they worked together as counselors at Asian camp.

Smear sideways to Asian camp. A mob of ten-year olds are sitting on the floor, madly texting on their phones. Tina and Mike Chang are trying to introduce them to art and culture. So Tina's singing "Getting To Know You," while Mike Chang dances around in short-shorts and an open shirt. This makes perfect sense in the context of The King and I, but even if it didn't, I wouldn't mind. Because Mike Chang is ripped. The kids don't look up from their texting until the music stops and Tina and Mike Chang start making out. I'm not certain if this is what actually happened, or what Artie thinks happened. And I'm not sure which one would make me happier.

Back in the present, Finn asks what Tina said to Artie when she dumped him. Smear sideways again, to the cafeteria. Tina tells Artie that he's a great guy but a terrible boyfriend who ignored her for weeks during the summer. Artie thinks that was totally justified because he was trapped in a game of Halo. Tina tells him, "Mike tries to be into what I'm into. Like his abs." Back in the present, Finn wheels Artie around and tells him he really doesn't see how he could be on the football team. Artie thinks that if someone pushes him down the field, he can be like a human battering ram. It must not be Finn's turn to use the brain that he shares with Will and Brittany, because he decides that sounds like a great idea, and he agrees to help Artie. Finn sees the blond singing kid and introduces himself and Artie. The blond's name is Sam. And he has the biggest lips you've ever seen. Finn points out that since he's the quarterback, he's very cool, so Sam should consider joining Glee Club.

The straight men of Glee Club sit in the music room while Sam stands near the piano. Finn asks Sam to tell them about himself. While he talks about his love of comic books and sports, Puck can't stop staring at him. "Dude, your mouth is huge. How many tennis balls can you fit in there?" Can any human being fit even one tennis ball in their mouth? (Please don't send me pictures demonstrating that's possible.) Sam: "I don't know. I've never had any balls in my mouth. Have you?" This is the exact moment the show was paused in the home of every gay man in America, as we all needed to cool ourselves off. Finn and Artie decide they like Sam's confidence, although Artie thinks, "the Bieber cut's got to go." Anyway, Sam's never really sung in front of anyone, but he does know how to play guitar and tells them he'll sing Travie McCoy's "Billionaire." And they all join in with him. Along with the Glee Club quintet backing them up. And Mike Chang dances. They finish, and it's clear that Sam had a blast. So he agrees to come back and do it in front of the rest of the club. Commercials.