Over on the newly constructed school library set, Kurt, Artie, Tina, Mercedes, and Brittany slink in from the hall clad in Hammer pants, and there is no way this will not end in a raft of bitter recriminations borne upon a flood of hysterical tears -- not to mention about four or five freshly slaughtered egos splattered about that newly constructed school library set -- so let's be brief: Artie presses Play on the boombox he's got perched on his lap, and the five launch themselves into their version of MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This," and while the song remains an utter embarrassment, I must say this: God. DAMN, but this dance routine is unreal. The four who can just hurl themselves into it, and while Heather Morris of course stands out as the best among them -- it looks like she's flying at times -- the other three seem to be keeping up with her which, you know: Wow. And then it's done, and the ancient librarian pushes herself up from her chair to toddle on over from behind her desk with a stern look on her face. "Here it comes!" Artie pants, as eager as the rest of them are to be branded McKinley's Quintet Of Horror. Unfortunately, the ancient librarian's stern expression dissolves into a delighted smile, and she cheerfully tells them, "That was very cute -- I'm gonna talk to my pastor and see if I can't get you kids to perform that for our Sunday service!" Cue the bitter recriminations and hysterical tears. Also: Commercials.