Glee

Episode Report Card
Demian: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Mullet With Headlights?

Minutes later, Sue's striding through the McKinley High halls in a slimming black track suit featuring lime-green stripes, utterly oblivious to the various underclassmen openly laughing at her as she passes their lockers. A large-framed jock pops a finger gun in her direction and smarms, "Hey, Miss Sylvester! Let's get physical!" "Not really my type, but I like that attitude!" Sue spiritedly retorts, not getting it at all until an even larger-framed jock calls out in mocking singsong, "Hey, Sue -- let's get an-i-mal!" A sudden, horrifying realization passes across Sue's face as the bell rings, and then we're off to...

...Maharishi Figgins's office, where Sue's seething, "That Glee Club stole my private property and posted it online, and as soon as I figure out the difference between slander and libel, I'm filing a lawsuit!" Hee. "Don't you think you might be overstating this a little?" Will interrupts from his bored slouch in one of the office chairs. Sue pauses her rant long enough to acknowledge her nemesis's presence like so: "Will, I may buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby's ass." And with her nemesis so tersely dispatched for the moment, Sue returns her attention to her maharishi to continue, "That video has received over a hundred and seventy thousand comments, and I took the liberty of printing out a few." Of course she did, and of course she now flips a binder-clipped stack of paper onto Figgins's desk, from which he reads, "'The man in this video looks like the champion cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester.'" "That was particularly hurtful!" Sue glowers. Will, however, has to stifle a snicker before he insists, "My kids don't do stuff like this." "That so?" Sue eyebrows, whipping out "Exhibit B" from her folder. It's a photocopied "Glist" with the headline "Who's Hot -- Who's Not!" in big letters above a ranking of -- in Glist order -- Quinn, Santana Lopez, Puckzilla, Brit-Brit, Jesse St. James, Frankenteen, Gaylord Weiner, Butt Lunch, and Rachel. Will, because he is somewhat dim, wonders what the hell a "Glist" is. "It's a plot device, William!" Sue heatedly explains, going on to clarify, "It's a weekly ranking of your Glee Club based on a hotness quotient of sexual promiscuity." The Plot Device evidently appeared "all over the school an hour ago," and those listed "get a point for each act of perpetuated depravity," though I'm pretty sure Sue Sylvester meant to say "perpetrated depravity," but I'm sure as hell not about to correct her, because Sue Sylvester could kick my ass. Maharishi Figgins confirms that The Plot Device was generated on a computer in the school's library using the Glee Club's password -- "gleeclub" -- before he insists, "I cannot have an environment that sexualizes children and damages their self-esteem!"

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Glee

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