Teacher's Lounge. Sue confidently struts in from the hall, as is her wont, only to be smacked in the face by a series of garish, slow-motion, fish-eye lens close-ups of each and every one of her colleagues howling with laughter -- at her! "This is not happening!" Sue voiceovers to herself in a desperate panic. "The cruel, slow-motion laughter is just your imagination," the little voice inside her head continues. "You're Sue Sylvester -- legend! They're not laughing at you because of your 'Physical' video. Just calmly pour yourself a cup of joe and focus." But what's this? That smell! It's... it's coffee! An odor that's "usually masked by the smell of fear"! And as one of her especially big-boned coworkers mockingly grinds his rhythmically gelatinous way towards her, Sue realizes, "Sweet merciful Lord, this is happening! You're being laughed at in slow-motion by a roomful of inferiors whom you used to terrify!" Speaking of inferiors... Molly Shannon, who'd been off to the side examining the contents of the lounge refrigerator, slams shut the door to sidle on over and say hello, much to Sue's obvious disgust, which is about the only tolerable part of the introduction that follows. Long story short, Molly Shannon's playing "Brenda Castle," a teacher who just transferred from Fort Wayne because Indiana kicked her out of the state over a drug problem that somehow ended up involving her students. "I saw your video," Molly Shannon confides before bursting into a fit of giggles, "and you, my friend, are an embarrassment!" "And that's me talking!" Molly Shannon adds to emphasize Sue's brutal humiliation before joining the others in the lounge in yet another round of garish, slow-motion, fish-eye lens close-ups that by now are all but demanding an appropriately hysterical Piper Laurie voiceover to accompany them. Sue flees.
Hall. Citing "today's culture" of "bad-boy athletes and celebrity sex tapes," Rachel enlists Artie's aid in securing the services of his friends at The AV Club, as she intends to create a music video that will prove to the world she's "musically promiscuous." Only she's a lot more maniacally psychotic about the whole thing than I am at the moment. Commercials.
Music Room. Tonight's Mystery Theme tick-tick-ticks away on the soundtrack as Kurt -- swathed in an especially fuzzy cowl-neck button-down cardigan -- calls to order the meeting he's arranged with Artie, Mercedes, and Single-T Tina to discuss their "free-falling reps," which have reached "terminal velocity" ever since their pointed exclusion from this evening's Plot Device. "What does a C-Lister do when their tiny star is about to fall off Perez Hilton's radar screen?" Kurt asks the group. "They cause a scandal so extreme, they can no longer be ignored," he continues, answering his own question. Artie apologetically interrupts Kurt's scheming at this juncture to wonder why Brittany's slumped over in a chair on the risers. "I've been here since first period?" Brit-Brit listlessly replies, explaining, "I had a cold? And I took all my antibiotics at the same time? And now I can't remember how to leave?" Hee. However, it's a good thing she stayed, because she's a bit miffed regarding her relatively low placement on the Glist. After all, she's made out with everyone in the school -- "girls, boys, Mr. Kinney the janitor" -- so why is she only fourth? Kurt allows her to join in on their ultimately ridiculous plot to gain notoriety by -- get this -- behaving in a disruptive manner on the newly constructed school library set. This should be dumb.