This week, Sue Sylvester gets a bad reputation (see: episode title) when Finn uploads to YouTube a stolen video of her grooving to internationally renowned animal rights activist Olivia Newton-John's "Physical." Of course, the clip goes viral by lunchtime, thereby instantly transforming Sue Sylvester into the laughingstock of the teachers' lounge. Meanwhile, Will gets a bad reputation (see: episode title, again) when Sue decides to convince "Ella" to stand up for herself in the latter's on-again, off-again relationship with Mr. Schue. Of course, Emma takes Sue's advice to heart and calls Will a slut in front of all of their colleagues, thereby instantly transforming him into The Manwhore Of McKinley High. And to top it all off, the entire Glee Club gets a bad reputation (see: episode title, again, some more) when a certain anonymous and knocked-up someone papers the school's halls with a "GList," which uses some complicated algebraic formula to factor the relative tramposity of each member of the group. Of course, the adults freak the hell out about the GList's suggestion of wanton teenaged promiscuity, thereby instantly transforming the entire Glee Club into the victims of an hysterical witch hunt launched by the freaking adults.
Sue, mortified and utterly humiliated, visits her handicapable sister out at The Home for a little pep talk and returns to McKinley dangerously close to mending her wicked, evil ways. Fortunately, Miss Olivia Newton-John gives Sue a ring to suggest they shoot an updated version of her 30-year-old "Physical" video, and Sue immediately becomes an internationally renowned top-700 recording artist, thereby restoring herself to her rightful place atop the teachers' lounge pecking order.
Will, mortified and utterly humiliated, ignores Emma for most of the episode, then shows up at her office with a lovely floral arrangement by way of apology. Even though it almost kills her, Emma politely says, "Thanks, but no thanks," because she's in therapy now for her obsessive-compulsive disorder, and she thinks she and Will need to start all over from the beginning, the better to learn who each other really is, rather than who each wants the other to be. Or, you know, some such bullshit psychobabbling therapyspeak she just five seconds ago picked up from her analyst.
The entire Glee Club, neither mortified nor utterly humiliated, gets yelled at for some stupid reason by Mr. Schue and Maharishi Figgins over the GList with which a certain anonymous and knocked-up Quinn papered the school's halls, then winds up with an assignment to "rehabilitate" songs whose reputations have fallen upon hard times. Songs like "Ice, Ice Baby," "U Can't Touch This," "Run Joey Run," and "Total Eclipse Of The Heart."
Wait a minute. Who hates "Total Eclipse Of The Heart"? Go to hell, Ryan Murphy. And LTG and I agree: You can take Jonathan Groff's goddamned yoga pants with you.
Previously on Pee-Wee's Playhouse: "Home."
Frankenteen, Rachel, and Jesse St. James arrive in the music room to find Artie, Kurt, Mercedes, and Single-T Tina practically vomiting with laughter over a clip they're watching on Kurt's laptop. "You guys aren't watching the video of me falling off stage at my first Tiny Tots beauty pageant, are you?" Rachel frets. "That was Carrot Top funny compared to this comedic tour de force," Kurt assures her as we finally get a glimpse what's responsible for all this hilarity: A certain Miss Sue Sylvester sweatin' to the oldies in the supposed privacy of her trophy-lined lair. And the oldie in question? Nothing less than that seminal early-'80s classic "Physical" by Miss Olivia Newton-John. Jesse St. James, ever the erudite expert on all things musically inclined, approvingly notes of the song's original video, "It was pretty groundbreaking subject matter at the time, considering its depiction of fluid sexuality." No comment. Though I still want to make out with his hair. Call me, Jesse's Hair! Anyway, Kurt facetiously assures everyone present that, as far as the current video's provenance is concerned, he himself "certainly did not steal it" from Sue's locked file cabinet when Sue sent Kurt to her office to fetch her "hormone replacement injection" during Cheerios practice yesterday. "I'm posting this on YouTube," Frankenteen grins, lurching for the laptop despite Rachel's immediate and loud objections. "Do you think that's a good idea?" Rachel wonders, and Rachel, honey, no one who's sporting the sorts of Reichsmädchen braids you've got twined around your head should be questioning Finn on what is and is not a good idea. Jesse St. James seems to agree with me, especially after Mercedes suggests that a YouTube posting would allow Sue Sylvester to "get a taste of some of the humiliation" Sue put the Glee Club through since the series began. "You guys need to stop being such asses," Jesse St. James contends, "and start being bad-asses." That's enough for Frankenteen, who snatches up the laptop while smiling, "Ten bucks it goes viral by lunch."
Minutes later, Sue's striding through the McKinley High halls in a slimming black track suit featuring lime-green stripes, utterly oblivious to the various underclassmen openly laughing at her as she passes their lockers. A large-framed jock pops a finger gun in her direction and smarms, "Hey, Miss Sylvester! Let's get physical!" "Not really my type, but I like that attitude!" Sue spiritedly retorts, not getting it at all until an even larger-framed jock calls out in mocking singsong, "Hey, Sue -- let's get an-i-mal!" A sudden, horrifying realization passes across Sue's face as the bell rings, and then we're off to...