Moments later in the music room, the five still-shocked would-be badasses search YouTube for clues as to Sue's unexpectedly sunny demeanor and find...

...a complete revamp of the 1981 "Physical" video starring both Miss Olivia Newton-John and Sue Sylvester! Well, it's not a complete revamp, as they've replicated the original's set, but there's nary a pasty obese fat man in sight, and as none of the exceptionally well-toned nipple ponies on display bears the slightest resemblance to this lovely late-'70s lothario, I'm inclined to call this remake a smashing success. Especially when the nipple ponies pull this absolutely unbelievable stunt where they, like, leap four feet into the air from a standard push-up position on the ground. How the Christ did they do that? By the way, these boys also know how to move -- you know, in the dancing sense -- which is another vast improvement over the 1981 version, which featured gentlemen of the stand-and-pose variety who, while era-appropriate, are boring as all crap to watch. And while some have complained that Sue's lines have been vocoded to hell and back, the results are reminding me of a ton of early-'80s synth pop, so I'm not having a problem with that, either. Brava, ladies! (Yes, I'm including the nipple ponies in the "Brava," as well.)

Later, there are some more dire words about this episode's Plot Device in the music room, and then it's time for Rachel's video, which she excitedly introduces like this: "Though I understand that a motion picture should stand on its own, I do realize that some of you are not well-versed in the complex vocabulary of the filmic arts. I expect that this video will go over the heads of some of our less-cultured teammates, so let me just say I hope you enjoy my bad reputation!" Yeah, we're about to realize that Rachel's not terribly well-versed in the complex vocabulary of the filmic arts herself, but I'm probably getting ahead of myself. Rachel commands the lights to dim, then takes her seat next to Jesse St. James for the premiere of "Run Joey Run." And oh, my holy God, it's three full minutes of unadulterated, seemingly endless cheese, and it is hilarious. The song remains horrendous despite the excellent vocals by everyone involved, and that was a given, but the visuals are so awful -- so intentionally, hysterically awful -- that you just sort of sit there open-mouthed as it plays out, not able to laugh at any one thing because too many absolutely ridiculous things are flying by at the same time. It opens with Santana Lopez and Brittany as a pair of slyly knowing angels floating through dry-ice clouds in the school's main hall, and after that image bounces backwards to shatter into 81 identical copies of itself, it leaps forward again so the angels might part to reveal Rachel, over-the-top desperate, as the song's ill-fated Julie, dashing through those same dry-ice clouds as the fluorescents flicker ominously overhead. And it goes downhill from there. With split screens featuring one person singing the song while another blatantly mouths along to the lyrics. With disembodied lips kaleidoscopically bursting outwards before collapsing back in on each other as they relate certain important plot points. With star-shaped wipes opening up to reveal Rachel. With Sandy Ryerson cameoing as Julie's Dad. With ketchup for bloodstains. With Puck in a white beater, for Christ's sake! Oh, wait -- my bad. That last is the one stunningly gorgeous visual that makes up for all of the crap ones.