Kurt's inner monologue: "Okay, I'll admit it. I'm madly in love with Finn. I have been since the first time we met." That first time was when Puck randomly shoved Kurt against the lockers and Finn berated Puck for his lack of impulse control. Kurt: "My feelings only grew stronger as we bonded over Glee. Then football. Then skin care." In the football locker room, Kurt (in an oversized terry-cloth robe) and Finn (in t-shirt and shorts) sit on a bench. Kurt tells Finn, "Your t-zone is dangerously dry." Finn looks confused, and then nervously glances down at his crotch. Kurt gestures to the t-zone on his face, and then gives Finn some moisturizer. Voice-over: "I don't know why I find his stupidity charming. I mean, he's cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is 'rainbows.'" (This as we see Finn in Spanish class copying off of Brittney's assignment.) "I guess that's love for you. I know it seems weird that I'm helping Finn with Quinn, but rest assured, it's all part of a master plan. No matter what I do, or how much I assist him with his ballad, she's going to end up disappointing him and breaking his heart. And then, he'll be crying into my shoulder pads." Oh, sweetie. That plan never works -- at least not without a case of beer.
Music room. Rachel sniffs her own hair as Will enters with Emma. He tells Rachel that he's picked a medley of songs that he thinks will be a great teaching tool. Rachel's not listening -- she just wants to know why that cow Miss Pillsbury is there. (The "cow" part is unspoken, but assumed.) Emma tells her that she is also very interested in the power of the ballad. And then Will makes Rachel sit next to Emma while he sings a medley of "Young Girl" and "Don't Stand So Close To Me." Before singing, he tells her, "I want you to listen very closely to the lyrics, because I really mean what I'm singing. Really listen." And while the lyrics are clearly saying "back off, young crazy girl," he can't help dancing around like one sexy mother. By the end of the song, there's not a dry seat in the house. Including mine. Mr. Schue, next time you're trying to get a girl to not like you, maybe you should think twice about shaking your moneymaker in her face. At the end of the song, all three of them are out of breath (for different reasons). Will asks if Rachel understood the song. Rachel: "Yes. It means I'm very young, and it's hard for you to stand close to me." Will, desperate, asks Emma if that was the message she got. But Emma is in a hypnotic daze, and can only mutter, "You're a very good performer." Rachel leaves to go home and work on her own medley. And as she leaves the music room, there's a mysterious figure glaring at her. It's Suzy Pepper! Commercials.