Meanwhile, out in the hall, St. Gay Of Lima notes the pissy expression on Dreamboat Blaine's face and wonders, "You okay?" Dreamboat Blaine LIES, insisting everything's fine while noting that his never-before-mentioned brother just got into town and that said never-before-mentioned brother is dropping by the school to take him to lunch. On cue, the preternaturally pretty Matt Bomer swings into view and St. Gay Of Lima is instantly smitten. Along with the entire viewing audience. With the possible exception of me, because I'm just a teensy bit overfamiliar with Matt Boner and his preternatural prettiness after three seasons of White Collar, though I do remember my initial reaction to him on Chuck five years ago, which can best be summed up like so: "Ananananaganagafarlalalarg." Which translates roughly as, "My, but that Matt Boner person is an exceptionally well-put-together young gentleman, isn't he?" And he still is, of course -- I fear I've just grown accustomed to his face. Sigh.
The same cannot be said of St. Gay Of Lima naturally, who melts into a puddle of adolescent hormones and squee right there on the tiled hallway floor before pulling himself together long enough to gush, "Ohmigod! You're the guy from the FreeCreditRatingToday-Dot-Com commercials!" We get a smash to one of the commercials in question, which is neither as amusing nor as cheap-looking as it could have been and then it's back to the hallowed halls of dear McKinley High, where Kurt goes near ultrasonic as he shrieks, "I love those commercials! The jingle's my ringtone!" I'll believe that when I hear it. The just-arriving Coach Sylvester proves she's not immune to Matt Boner's many obvious charms either, when she draws the gentleman aside to confess she's an "enormous fan" of his "work," after which she asks him to sign her right breast. Which she more or less whips out right there in the middle of the hallowed halls of dear McKinley High, but I'll let that one slide because, hey: Matt Boner! And after "Cooper Anderson" -- get it? -- obliges Sweet Sue with a lengthy message (written, I'm sure, in indelible ink) Coach Sylvester thanks him and adds, "If Alan Menken isn't personally writing you a fairy-tale musical at this very moment, I will hunt him down and beat him senseless with a cudgel because you, sir, are a Disney prince." And while that joke was funnier the first time I heard it on 30 Rock when it was made in reference to Jon Hamm, this too I will let slide because, hey: Matt Boner!