Smear sideways to a Brothers Anderson flashback in which Teen Boner criticizes Wee Blaine's footwork during a performance of Hanson's "MMMBop." I'd make note of Wee Blaine's plaintive, heartrending reply, were it not for the fact that I suddenly find myself wondering how this show can mock dipshit fangirls' past musical choices in the flashbacks while glorifying their present ones during the competition performances.
Smear back to the present, where Douchebag Boner unctuously apologizes for his past behavior before eliciting a promise from Dreamboat Blaine to attend the following afternoon's master class.
Meanwhile, back at McKinley, Artie succeeds in helping Quinn conquer the steepest access ramp on the school's campus. And is it just me or does that wheelchair make her ass look huge? Oh, I'm kidding, I'm kidding -- this is actually the sweetest of their scenes together this evening, aided immensely by the fact that it feels more like Kevin McHale and Dianna Agron just having fun with each other, rather than Artie and Quinn taking time out of their busy schedules to teach us all some tiresome lesson about resilience in the face of adversity. By the way, Artie's wearing this insane martini-tractor sweater during this sequence that I've just now decided counts as "slyly subversive," mainly because I totally didn't notice it at all when the episode originally aired. Drinking and driving? Bad. Drinking and farming? Awesome!
Anyway, after all that, Artie and Quinn chat about their fellow children's ridiculous trip to Six Flags Great America for Senior Skip Day and Artie advises against it, noting that theme parks can be hell on the freshly crippled. As can hellaciously long multi-state bus rides. Just saying. Instead, he invites her along on an as-yet-unspecified jaunt of his own devising, which he promises will amount to "the most amazing and incredible and inspiring Ditch Day ever." If it doesn't involve getting tanked while operating heavy farm machinery, I don't want to know about it.
Music Room. The "MASTER CLASS with Cooper Anderson" is now in session and I don't know about you, but what unfolds over the next three minutes of screen time feels awfully familiar to me. I'm not saying that they cobbled together this entire sequence from a few carefully stolen scripts, but the central conceit -- Famous Actor Knows Nothing About Acting -- is definitely something I've seen before somewhere, right down to the overemphasis on dynamic head shots and aggressive finger pointing and shouting random words to convey dramatic tension and ignoring your scene partner. I can't quite place it, but you know what? I'm gonna let it slide because, hey: Matt Boner! Needless to say, the smitten children -- with the notable exception of Dreamboat Blaine -- hang on Douchebag Boner's every word while taking copious notes and by the time the exercise shifts into a hands-on Douchebag-directed run-through of a recent NCIS episode (it's the one with the dead transvestite), Dreamboat Blaine's finally had enough and he explodes at his brother for what I hope are obvious reasons. Once again, Douchebag Boner deploys his considerable charm to smooth over the tense situation and with that, we head on over to...