If they can promise me that Thor's nipples will be in 3-D, I will go see that movie.

Crowded hallway. Lauren Tuna saunters past Quinn and then casually calls out, "hey, Lucy." That gets Quinn's attention, and Lauren asks if they could please speak privately. I've lost patience for this plot, so let me summarize. Lauren and Puck broke into school records to do some oppo research on Quinn (inspired by the words of Lauren's father's college roommate, G. Gordon Liddy) and Lauren discovered, thanks to the help of some idiot school administrators who don't know the slightest thing about educational privacy laws, that Quinn's original name was Lucy Q. Fabray and that she transferred to Lima from some other school district only after she had a nose job, lost the braces, dyed her hair, got contacts, and dropped about seventy pounds. Quinn, embarrassed, cops to the truth, telling Lauren that she stopped going by "Lucy" because kids made up a mean nickname. Lauren: "Juicy Lucy?" Quinn: "Lucy Caboosey." Long story short, Quinn felt terrible about how she looked, so she changed everything and then transferred to a school where nobody would know what she had looked like. Lauren: "So you hate yourself?" Quinn: "No, I love myself, and that's why I did all those things. I've been that girl, and I am never going back. I was a miserable little girl, and now I am going to be prom queen." Lauren tells her not to count her chubby chickens before they're hatched. Because Lauren has already put up posters of the old Quinn, complete with her "Lucy Caboosey" nickname. We get a ridiculous shot of Quinn running around the corner in slow motion and tearing the poster off the wall before running away in tears.

Mall. Puck and Rachel are walking through a crowd while Rachel asks why, exactly, Puck has brought her there. He's there to help her see the light. Puck: "You won't listen to me, you won't listen to Finn..." Kurt: "But she will listen to Barbra Streisand." Rachel freaks out for a second at the thought that Barbra might be at the mall. Kurt: "This is a mall in Ohio." And then Kurt points out that if Rachel gets a nose job, she'll be spitting on Barbra's legacy. And then Kurt signals to Puck (who has since wandered away) to play some music. And we get a flash mob dance scene to Duck Sauce's "Barbra Streisand." Somehow, this Barbravention succeeds where logic has failed. Commercials.