And when Artie awakens from his Hot Carl haze, he smiles a secret smile to himself and murmurs, "Britney!"
Locker room, the next in the endless string of days comprising this endless week. Artie wheels himself in, all brimming with newfound confidence, and corners Finn to insist upon joining the football team, and long, ridiculous story short, Coach Beiste enters to tell both of them to suit up for practice. You see, at the top of the hour, when she made her stern decision in the hallway, she determined to punish those meathead bruiser assholes whose names I never bothered to learn by indulging Artie in his preposterous desire to join the team, and to add insult to injury by offering Finn his old position. At least, that's what I'm getting from the satisfied smile she's giving herself at the end of this scene. Next!
Music room. Artie explains for the Brittanys of the audience (plus Puck) that the nitrous oxide Hot Carl's been using leads to vivid hallucinations wherein the subconscious moves to the forefront and...you know what? To hell with this. Mr. Schue enters with the welcome news that the children may perform That Britney at the homecoming assembly, and great is the rejoicing across the music room. Until he announces his intention to join them onstage. D'OH! Commercials.
Locker room, where Rachel and Finn indulge in even more of that bullshit angst-ridden teenaged high-school romance crap I totally do not care about. Rachel's back in her dark, specific Japanese businessman fetishwear, and Finn's back in his sunny, generalized gay male fetishwear, and Rachel crazies something about their relationship only working if they're both losers, and OHMIGOD I DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT CARE. Finn gives her a pep-talk, Rachel still doesn't trust him, and NEXT!
The Fall Homecoming Assembly You Thought Would Never Arrive. Will, looking like a desperate Fosse reject in that little black bowler of his, adjusts a microphone until he spots Emma across the gym. Cocking his sad little black bowler at a jaunty angle, he sneaks up behind her and coyly offers to meet her backstage after the performance, if you know what he means, and I think you do. Emma, momentarily thrown, blurts out that he looks "like a cast member of Kids Incorporated," which is a reference I thankgodfully do not get at all, and Will idiots something about His Personal Theme Of The Week, and then the lights start blinking on and off to signal the start of The Fall Homecoming Assembly You Thought Would Never Arrive, because every high school in America totally blinks the lights when an assembly's about to start, and just when I'm about to start ranting again about stupid things I totally do not care about, Becky darts across the basketball court's floor to report to Sue. "The Glee Club's doing Britney Spears for assembly -- I just found out!" Becky breathlessly exclaims. Sue visibly steels herself and announces, "Becky, you are on Red Alert -- if you see any awkward teenage frottage, you perform that citizen's arrest we practiced!" Becky's all, "Got it, Coach!" with the conspiratorial winking and finger-guns and such, and then it's off to...