April Rhodes Civic Pavilion. St. Gay Of Lima has placed every last candle to be found in Allen County upon the stage so he and Single-T Tina might run through his intended Fake Drama School In New York audition piece, "The Music of the Night" from Phantom of the Opera. St. Gay's playing the whole dreadful thing like he's some tiny little hunchbacked homosexual bat -- which really works, oddly enough -- while Single-T Tina, God love her, is offering us all her very best vacant-eyed Sarah Brightman impersonation. Hee! Mind you, Single-T Tina's very best vacant-eyed Sarah Brightman impersonation doesn't come anywhere close to topping my own very best vacant-eyed Sarah Brightman impersonation, but I deeply appreciate her effort, because Sarah Brightman sucks. And don't even get me started on fucking Phantom as a whole. Christ, I hate Andrew Lloyd Webber.

ANY-way, when it's over, Dreamboat Blaine leaps to his feet in the auditorium's audience to offer St. Gay a rapturous round of applause, but St. Gay feels the piece is "too safe" to best represent who he is as a performer during his audition for Fake Drama School In New York. "I need something fresh," St. Gay complains. "Something edgy -- something completely unpredictable!" Pause. "Or maybe I just need more candles." "Oh, God, no," Dreamboat Blaine whimpers, appalled. "No more candles." Heh.