In the Very Special Episode portion of tonight's presentation, Coach Beiste shows up at McKinley High with a vivid shiner adorning her left eye, leading Santana Lopez to unleash a series of delightfully snide remarks on the topic of domestic violence that are overheard by the lovely and talented bronze medalist Roz Washington, the latter of whom flies into deeply affronted rage. Roz joins forces with both Sue Sylvester and Coach Beiste to teach Santana -- and her partners in crime Mercedes, Single-T Tina, Sugar Motta, and Brit-Brit -- a Very Important Lesson About Wife Beating by giving the girls a performance assignment that the girls promptly proceed to misinterpret in the most hilarious manner imaginable. Of course, it immediately stops being funny when Coach Beiste breaks down and confesses to all and sundry that her Cooter's really been rough on her lately, and the always-excellent Dot Marie Jones gets several minutes of material for this year's Emmy reel when Coach Beiste first leaves her husband, then returns to give him a second chance because she's convinced she'll otherwise end up alone. It's a horrible idea for this show even to attempt such a storyline, of course, but Jones did so well with the incredibly iffy material that I'm not sure how much I hate all of it at the moment.

Meanwhile, St. Gay Of Lima and Idiot Rachel deal with last-minute jitters when an esteemed alum of Fake Drama School In New York flies in to audition them for her alma mater. St. Gay decides at the last possible instant to switch songs, and he ends up doing quite well, but Idiot Rachel totally biffs a number she's performed hundreds of times before, so it looks like she might be hanging around for next season after all.

Also probably hanging around for next season after all is Puck, whose seldom-seen father guilts him into parting with the bulk of his California savings, and who also fails an important exam he needed to pass in order to graduate. You know, guys, it's going to be awfully hard to miss you if you don't actually go away.

Featuring "The Music Of The Night" from Phantom Of The Opera, as performed by St. Gay Of Lima, with Single-T Tina giving us all an absolutely deadly Sarah Brightman impersonation; Alice Cooper's eternal adolescent classic, "School's Out," as performed by Puck; an unfortunately truncated "Cell Block Tango" from Chicago, as performed by Mercedes, Single-T Tina, Santana, Sugar Motta, and Brit-Brit; "Not The Boy Next Door" from The Boy From Oz, as performed by St. Gay, with a bit of shimmy provided in the background by Single-T Tina, Brit-Brit, and Mercedes; Funny Girl's "Don't Rain On My Parade" -- again -- as performed -- again -- by Idiot Rachel; an oddly familiar-sounding punk version of My Fair Lady's "The Rain in Spain," as performed by Puck and his impromptu late-night study group, which consists of Artie, Frankenteen, The Leprechaun, Dreamboat Blaine, Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen, Gaylord Wiener, and New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name I Can't Be Bothered To Look Up; a beautiful version of "Shake It Out" by Florence And The Machine, as performed by Mercedes, Santana, and Single-T Tina; and Kelly Clarkson's "Cry," as performed by Idiot Loser Rachel after she totally biffs her audition for Fake Drama School In New York.