Episode Report Card
Demian: N/A | 1 USERS: D-
Beiste's Cooter Throws A Mean Right Hook

Naturally, this awful, evil show proceeds to take a massive dump all over Rachel's scene of soul-crushing loss by leaping immediately into the ha-ha funnies of Puck's late-night European Geography cram session -- which is taking place in the music room for some stupid reason, and whatever -- and I just can't deal with these jarring, senseless, asinine shifts in tone anymore, so long story short, the assembled gentlemen of New Directions (minus St. Gay Of Lima) magically stumble into a punk version of "The Rain in Spain" from My Fair Lady, and while no one on the forum boards can quite figure out this arrangement's origin, everyone seems to agree that Glee didn't come up with it itself. And when it's over, chipper Artie -- ever the optimist -- perks, "Moving on! What rhymes with 'preindustrial European deforestation'? Anybody?" Wah wah waaaaaaaah. Also: Commercial.

Locker Room. White Sue enters to express her dismay with Coach Beiste. White Sue, you see, was under the impression Coach Beiste would be bunking at her place the previous evening, but Coach Beiste never showed up. Coach Beiste apologizes, and tells White Sue she spent the entire night moving in with her sister, Denise. As in "Denise Beiste," and yes, White Sue cracks wise about Denise Beiste living under a bridge somewhere before quite genuinely expressing her relief that Coach Beiste is okay. "I really admire what you're doing," White Sue admits, adding, "I know how difficult it must be." "Not as difficult as what I'm about to do," Coach Beiste sighs by way of reply, and with that, we get shunted over to...

...the music room, where Coach Beiste informs Sugar Motta, Santana Lopez, Mercedes, Brit-Brit and Single-T Tina of recent Cooter-related events in her life, while the deeply sympathetic Sues look on from the sidelines. Coach Beiste apologizes for lying to them about it all, but as I still don't need this show to tell me over and over again that Wife Beating Is A Very Bad Thing, I'll be skipping ahead to...

...Puck's European Geography exam, which is already in progress. Puck's apparently spent the first half of the allotted hour drawing a death-metal dragon on his answer sheet, but when the assembled gentlemen of New Directions (minus St. Gay Of Lima) appear in the classroom's doorway to toss him the evil eye, he forces himself to answer a few questions. Fortunately, the first two of those questions just happen to be My Fair Lady-related. Unfortunately, every other question on the exam seems to deal with preindustrial European deforestation, so I'm guessing Puck's going to biff this little test of his just as badly as Idiot Rachel biffed that great big test of her own. And here I'd been thinking the episode's title was talking about what Beiste's Cooter did to her behind closed doors.

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