Episode Report Card
Demian: N/A | 1 USERS: D-
Beiste's Cooter Throws A Mean Right Hook

Elsewhere, Student Council President Brit-Brit bounces over to Single-T Tina, Mercedes, Sugar Motta and Santana Lopez to babble something about setting up complimentary probing booths at this year's alien-themed prom, but before that intriguing idea gets a chance to develop any further, Coach Beiste wanders past with a lurid welt decorating her left eye, eliciting the following from Santana: "Aw, hell! Looks like Mister Beiste went all Chris Brown on Missus Beiste!" As Mercedes guffaws, Santana calls out, "What happened, Coach? Cooter put the smackdown on ya 'cause you wouldn't let him be on top?" And barely have those words left Santana's mouth when the camera zooms up to focus in on the just-appearing Roz Washington and her shocked expression of outrage and dismay, and here we go with yet another Very Special Episode in this neverending season's neverending string of the same. "Men hitting women is funny to you?" Coach Washington challenges, striding over to get all up in Santana's face. "Oh, please," Santana eyerolls in a valiant yet failed attempt to dodge the hammer-handed Lesson Of The Week that's about to rain down upon all our skulls. "We obviously don't think Beiste was hit by anyone," Santana duhs. "I mean, look at her -- she's a wall." Point to Santana Lopez. [Note: Funny that it wasn't Brit-Brit doing the snarking. -- Rachel.] Coach Washington, however, remains unamused and, after announcing she does not suffer "fools who think domestic violence is funny," she calls Coach Beiste over to take down the names of "Hat Rack, Asian Horror Movie, Little Oprah, Rojo Caliente, and Salsa Caliente" for later hectoring. With that, Coach Washington huffs off toward the...

...McKinley High teachers' lounge for a little tête-à-tête with Sue Sylvester, the latter of whom opens their dialogue like so: "Black Sue, it's no secret I despise you -- I spent the weekend sending your photo to ivory poachers who could make an absolute fortune selling your enormous white teeth on the black market -- yet it sounds like you and I finally have something to agree on!" "Look," Black Sue concedes by way of reply, "I understand kids making jokes about things they find uncomfortable, like how there's a cheerleading coach at their school who's old as dirt and still trying to have a baby -- who they know is gonna come out looking weird with rabies and wings, and it's gonna fly right out of your hatbox and straight back into Hell -- but domestic violence is nothing to joke about!" It certainly would have been something to joke about two years ago during this declining series' far-superior first season, but whatever. Will arrives with Coach Beiste -- the latter of whom rather believably attributes her shiner to a training accident at the gym, by the by -- and after the adults natter at each other for a bit regarding tonight's tiresome anti-domestic violence theme, White Sue announces that she, "John Goodman," and Black Sue will be dealing with Santana Lopez and her merry gang of idiots themselves this evening. I can't wait.

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