Episode Report Card
Demian: N/A | 1 USERS: D-
Beiste's Cooter Throws A Mean Right Hook

Kidding! I'm kidding, because this show would never even try to pull off anything like that with the costuming -- they probably just thought it would be cute to match her nails with the detailing on the $378 Nanette Lepore cocktail dress Idiot Rachel decided to wear to school today. So, Idiot Rachel warns St. Gay against taking so great a risk with his audition for Fake Drama School In New York, and St. Gay of course counters that his audition for Fake Drama School In New York practically demands so great a level of risk-taking, but she eventually convinces him to go with the number from Phantom, anyway, presumably because it will allow him to change his mind at the very last instant in the most dramatic manner imaginable.

April Rhodes Civic Pavilion, and this is easily my favorite moment of the episode thus far: Mercedes takes to center stage in a cascade of red light to introduce us to The Six Merry Murderesses of The Cook County Jail as they offer us their rendition of the "Cell Block Tango," and the fact that the children have so willfully misinterpreted their assignment for the week is sending me into fits of giggles, mainly because their misinterpretation makes perfect sense to me. Your stupid, lying, no-good Neanderthal of a jealous, abusive, and hypocritically slutty boyfriend is bugging the holy living shit out of you? Shoot him in the head! It's the obvious solution, isn't it? Not to mention empowering. Hee!

Of course, this number is not meant to be fun at all, especially when it pimp-smacks Coach Beiste into a series of unsettling flashbacks to The Night Her Cooter Beat Her, and because the show itself has chosen to fuck with my enjoyment of this musical selection at this point, I might as well veer off onto a tangent here to note the following: Even though Glee should never, ever have attempted this storyline in the first place, and even though Glee quite naturally fails this storyline's execution in so many different and intricately varied ways this evening, I have to give it up to Dot Marie Jones for her performance tonight. In spite of everything that's wrong about all this, Jones herself completely delivers, and the result would be heartbreaking were it not for the ungodly mess that's surrounding her efforts. As it is, she's at least scored a terrific Emmy reel for herself this year, so that's nice. I guess.

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