Glee
Choke

Episode Report Card
Demian: N/A | 1 USERS: D-
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Beiste's Cooter Throws A Mean Right Hook

In any event, Coach Beiste, plagued by her unsettling flashbacks, quietly excuses herself from the auditorium before the unfortunately truncated number's even halfway done, and when it's over, Santana Lopez all-too-innocently wonders, "What happened to Beiste? Did we do something wrong?" "Well," White Sue replies, "you completely butchered one of my all-time favorite Kander and Ebb tunes while completely missing the point of absolutely everything." The camera slides over to Black Sue at this point to record her own reaction, which goes something like this: "You girls are cray-cray! You were supposed to pick a song that gave women the self-esteem and courage to get the hell out of an abusive situation, but oh, no! You pick a song about crazy women -- in their panties -- killing their men for chewing gum! How is that supposed to help?" When this episode originally aired, that line was the only one that had me laughing out loud. As for how it's supposed to help, Black Sue, see my earlier comment a couple paragraphs up.

Immediately afterward, White Sue and Black Sue find Coach Beiste cowering in a temporarily disused classroom, and The Sues proceed to berate her for ditching on the children's much-reviled performance. Of course, The Sues immediately shut up when Coach Beiste tearfully admits what really happened to her eye, and again: Dot Marie Jones sells the hell out of it, but as I believe I noted before, I do not need this show to tell me over and over again that Wife Beating Is A Very Bad Thing, so whatever. White Sue offers Coach Beiste refuge, which Coach Beiste accepts, and with that, it's time for...

...one of those whiplash-inducing tonal shifts that stopped working for this show a year and a half ago. You know, if they ever worked for it in the first place. And this one ends up being an incredibly annoying double-shift, so I'm even less inclined to walk you through it all step by step. Long story short, Puck's cleaning some horny middle-aged hausfrau's pool and, after he surprisingly takes a pass on the hausfrau's proffered quickie, someone tiptoes up behind him. "Dad?" Puck bleats, instantly getting all confused and wounded-looking, and we head into this evening's next commercial break wondering how they're going to fuck this subplot up, for Christ's sake.

Music Room. Frankenteen has assembled Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen, The Leprechaun, New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name I Can't Be Bothered To Look Up, Gaylord Wiener, Dreamboat Blaine, and Artie to run through some poorly-defined yet somewhat amusing plan to ambush Puck at his next pool-cleaning job when Puck himself wanders into the room from points unknown, looking all woebegone and disconsolate. "What's up?" I'm sure the guys wonder. "I just talked to my dad," I'm pretty sure Puck replies.

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Glee

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