Smear to the music room a couple of days ago, where a saintly-looking Quinn insists, "I didn't kiss Finn, Sam -- I saved his life!"

Smear over to a fairly amusing enactment of Quinn's lie. Finn, standing at his kissing booth, pops an enormous gumball into his mouth. Almost immediately, he splutters, gags, and drops backwards in slow motion as some random extra unhinges her lower jaw to let loose with a blood-curdling scream. The Maharishi materializes from out of nowhere to hover above Frankenteen's unconscious form and bellow, "He's not breathing!" at which point selfless Quinn bends down and gently presses her lips against Finn's to suck that damn gumball clear out of his throat. That's talent.

Smear back to the music room, where Lady Lips goofily admits that he, too, almost choked on a gumball once and, off Smearback Quinn's suddenly guilty expression, we...

...smear once more to the present, where Sam's voiceover continues, "I know she's into me, but I just get the feeling I'm losing her." On cue, Finn appears in the hallway to exchange a few Capital-L Looks with Quinn, and as Lady Lips trudges towards them through the sludgy slow motion of self-doubt, his voiceover determines, "I can't let that happen -- Quinn's the best thing that's happened to me since I got to this school." "But how?" Sam's voiceover despairs. Fortunately, at this very moment he happens to pass a locker adorned with a carefully mounted jackalope head, and his voiceover thrills, "Of course! My dad always said there are two ways to get a woman to love you: Take her hunting, and rock and roll!"

"I knew what I had to do," Sam's voiceover confides as the camera leaps with him into the bathroom, where we find Lady Lips carefully combing his luxurious locks forward across his brow. "I mean," Sam's voiceover rhetorically wonders, "who's more rock-and-roll than Justin Bieber?" "Everyone?" the audience automatically answers in unison. "No one!" Sam's voiceover vehemently insists, and it was at this point I was pretty sure this evening's promised Biebermania wouldn't completely suck, because by designating this wide-mouthed moron as the one to sing that unspeakable irritant's praises, The Powers That Be are clearly pissing all over the entire Bieber phenomenon, and that is something I have little choice but to applaud.