Glee

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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

"I actually learned something in my Spanish class today," Will's voiceover informs us as the camera fades up on him obliviously scrawling "Regresar" across the whiteboard in the front of the room while Finn, Puck, and Gaylord Weiner engage themselves in a spirited spitball battle not ten feet behind his back. The naughty boys instantly knock it off with the antic physical activity and adopt beatific expressions of angelic innocence when Mr. Schue turns to face them, of course, but that's not important right now, because attention must instead be paid to Mr. Schue's mind-boggling realization. "Regresar," he reads from the whiteboard with an appropriate and -- dare I say? -- musical trilling of Rs before asking the class, "Who knows what that means?" Nobody knows what that means, of course, so Mr. Schue answers his own question with an overexcited, "To come back!" As Mr. Schue beams at his decidedly uninterested students and launches himself into a mini-lecture none in the audience can hear, Will's voiceover kicks back in to exult, "That's right: I realized the old Will Schuester was back! Glee club's going to Regionals, we got all of Sue's Cheerios money, I'm past Terri, and I'm over Emma!" On cue, everyone's favorite obsessive-compulsive bursts through the classroom door in a wide-eyed tizzy. "It's an emergency!" Emma gasps once she's caught Will's attention, and with that, the two hustle off through the halls towards...

...Sue's office, where Emma breathlessly explains, "Becky Jackson opened Sue's journal and found this!" Emma flips to the appropriate page, which screams, "GOOD BYE CRUEL WORLD." "She could be dead by now!" Emma frets. The camera travels with Will's eyes to take in the scrawled note on the facing page, which reads as follows: "Yes, Losers. I'm committing Sue-icide." Title card.

Sue Sylvester's All-Sport Trophy Emporium. Will and Emma tiptoe through the unlocked front door and, as Imelda is nowhere to be seen, they continue down the main hall to the bedroom, where they find an apparently unconscious Sue lying prone atop her duvet with several large and empty plastic bottles placed artfully around her body. Will immediately starts slapping away at Sue's face while Emma frantically realizes, "She doesn't have a pulse!" "Yeah, I do," Sue smiles, popping open her eyes as she springs up into sitting position, much to the shock and surprise of her would-be rescuers. "I just stopped my own heart," Sue casually explains, attributing that particular skill to her "CIA training" before grumping, "These Gummi vitamins didn't work at all!" For yes, those large and empty plastic bottles placed artfully around Sue's body actually contained nothing more than a few hundred delightfully tasty dietary supplements in a variety of natural colors and flavors. Sue'd been under the misapprehension that, if you take enough Vitamin A, "you drift off into a blissful oblivion." Unfortunately, all she got out of the experience was a flushed face and a sore jaw, thanks to all that chewing.

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Glee

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