Glee

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Demian: A- | Grade It Now!
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And when it's over, Single-T Tina and Brittany leap onto the stage to sprinkle a little sugar on their menz, while Quinn quietly approaches Finn to confirm that she'll not be stepping out on Lady Lips anytime soon, much to Frankenteen's chagrin. Elsewhere, Puck hops down into the auditorium proper to ask of Lauren Tuna, "So, what'd you think?" "Honestly?" Lauren admits. "Although my love would crush him, I'm totally turned on by the Biebster -- that is, until I remember that he looks like he's twelve, and then it's sorta creepy." Taking all of that into consideration, she grants Puck's performance a disappointing C+. "Listen, Zizes," Puck levels with her, "I'm dying here -- you got me every which way, and we both know I'm not the brightest, so please: What do I have to do to get inside of you?" Or maybe he said "with you" in that last bit. I can't be sure. In any event, Puck's in luck, as Lauren might have a "proposition" for him, but again, he'll have to wait until she gives him the signal.

Back on the stage, Quinn flirtatiously ambles up to Lady Lips to confirm their appointment at Color Me Mine that Friday night. As she exits, Sam allows himself a little fist-pump of triumph, but his joy is short-lived, for barely has Quinn disappeared into the wings when Santana saunters over in full maneater mode to coo, "Sammy Evans! You are Bieb-a-licious!" Lady Lips blatantly ogles her ample cleavage as Santana continues, "How are things going with you and Quinn?" "Fine," Sam insists, and with vast amounts of faux concern flooding her tone, magnificently malicious Santana replies, "No, they're not." Lady Lips is dumbstruck. Well, you know, more than usual. "You and I should talk soon," Santana coyly adds with a saucy little head-tilt thrown in there for good measure, and with that, she slinks off into the shadows, leaving a thoroughly out-classed Lady Lips to flail around helplessly in her splendiferous wake until the camera finally cuts away to the next commercial break.

Hall. Quinn expresses her newfound admiration for Sam's shamelessness, or something like that, so Finn gets An Idea. Next!

Gym. Lauren -- or a reasonable stunt-double facsimile thereof -- tosses one of her fellow wrestlers around like a ragdoll for a bit before sitting on his chest, and what I don't know about wrestling could easily fill several comprehensively stocked bookmobiles, but shouldn't she be sparring with someone in her own weight class? Not that I'm averse to staring at the exceptionally healthy little muffin she's sharing screen time with in this scene, mind you, but still. And when practice is over, Lauren retires to the bleachers, where an openly salivating Puck awaits. "Do dudes ever get erections when they wrestle with you?" he asks, ever the charmer. "Shut it, Puckerman," Lauren does not hesitate to reply, "we're here to talk business." You see, she wants to regale the glee club with a solo, but she needs a bit of advice, as she's rather uncharacteristically nervous about performing in front of the group. Puck's recommended solution? Pretend everybody's sitting there in their underwear. Shockingly enough, Puck cribbing a plot point from a forty-year-old Brady Bunch episode does not sicken and repulse me. Maybe it's because Mark Salling's obviously old enough to remember when it first aired. "Can I touch your knockers now?" Puck delicately inquires. "Only if you wanna lose a hand," Lauren shoots back. "But," she adds with a mischievous grin, "you're on your way." Young love. Sigh.

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Glee

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