Boys locker room. Sam is lifting weights and for some reason there's porn music playing. I mean, that's really playing, right? It's not just in my head? Anyway, New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up enters and tells Sam he wants to talk about Quinn. Sam knows that he's into Quinn and tells him that she appears to be into him as well. New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up wants advice on what to do about his "feelings." Sam: "Here's the thing about me. I can be super helpful, but when you ask me stuff you have to be real specific." It's so nice to find a character with some self-awareness. Even if it is just self-awareness that he's dumb. Sam's not so dumb that he doesn't realize that New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up is talking about "in your pants feelings." While New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up is looking for advice on how to resist temptation, Sam's more interested in telling him that you should just give into it (which he did while working as a stripper), since there's no fighting biology. Sam thinks New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up is going to have to choose between God and Quinn. Um, can't the two of them date without having sex?
Kurt's bedroom. He enters bearing a tray with a cheese plate for his and Blaine's Being Bobby Brown marathon when Blaine asks him who Chandler is. Kurt, if you're going to carry on a non-sexual texting affair, you have got to learn to keep your phone with you at all times. That's like rule number one of having an affair. The fact that he left his phone in the room with Blaine while a stream of texts came in from Chandler is how Blaine learned about the non-sexual texting affair. Blaine labels Kurt's activity as cheating. Kurt points out that Blaine used to text and call Sebastian, but Blaine notes that he was clear with Sebastian that he didn't like him, and the texts weren't flirty. Blaine realizes that Kurt likes Chandler, and Kurt cops to liking the way he makes him feel, since Blaine has stopped complimenting him or flirting with him. Kurt just can't accept the point of view that what he's doing is cheating.
Which brings us to the music room, where a very angry Blaine sings "It's Not Right, But It's Okay," which he dedicates to "anyone who's ever been cheated on." Kurt denies having cheated on Blaine. Brit: "Cheetahs have the fastest land speed of any living animal." During the song everybody except for Kurt provides judgmental backup to Blaine. Kurt, if you're the only one who doesn't think you're cheating, maybe you should take a clue from that. Commercials.