Y'all, I just got home from Paris, I'm jetlagged, and I'm still gobsmacked by the shenanigans RuPaul is trying to get away with on Drag Race. You're lucky I didn't just write this putain of a recaplet in (largely non-grammatical) French.
This week, we get Glee's tribute to Whitney Houston. Some of the kids are clearly broken up by her death, and Will and Emma decide they're fixating on her due to their own emotions about impending graduation. So Will assigns them to sing Whitney songs that express their feelings about the end of their high school careers. Which leads to lots of great music and not so much plot development.
The biggest story development is that Kurt has a new admirer -- another fashionable gay boy he meets at the music store while trying to find the perfect Whitney song. New Gay is also applying to a musical theater program at a college in New York (although his school actually exists). New Gay keeps sending Kurt flirty texts, and Kurt is into them because they make him feel special, and because Blaine hasn't been sending him any flirty texts. But Blaine discovers the texting and the two of them have a serious blowup, because Blaine thinks Kurt's textual relationship is tantamount to cheating. Blaine essentially breaks up with Kurt through song, but Kurt tries to romance him back with another song. Emma sticks her nose into their business, and we learn that Blaine has been withdrawing from Kurt because he resents how happy Kurt seems to be about moving away to New York while Blaine stays behind for a year. Kurt makes the typical but unlikely promise that a year apart will not end their relationship, and all is well for the time being.
In other relationship news, New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up notices that Quinn is feeling really down, and she confesses that her physical therapy isn't producing the results she'd hoped for. He offers to go to therapy with her, and they have a moment during therapy that almost turns into a kiss before he backs off. Quinn thinks he backed off because he's grossed out by her condition, but it turns out that he's just afraid of any kind of sexual feeling. At another therapy session, Quinn accidentally cops a feel of his accidental boner, and realizes that he is into her. So they decide to try some chaste Christian dating. Or something.
Will decides that he and Emma need to move their wedding up to the coming May (instead of the next December). He hires an improbably butch heterosexual wedding planner, but then fires him when he tells him that the wedding couldn't possibly happen before September. He moves on to planning a campground wedding, which Emma rightly points out will be kind of hard for her with her OCD. Will finally admits that he's terrified that the kids won't come back for his wedding if it happens after they graduate, and that he's more terrified at the thought of losing them from his life. But then he sees all of the kids come together for an optional rehearsal and realizes that they'll all be part of their lives even after school is finished.
Oh, and Rachel and Santana decide maybe they can be friends. And Kurt and Burt acknowledge that they're going to miss each other when Kurt leaves. And Puck gives mementoes to all the non-Kurt dudes to celebrate their ongoing bromance. And everyone lets go of their fixation on Whitney.
Featuring a smorgasbord of Whitney Houston's hits: "How Will I Know," performed by Mercedes, Santana, Rachel, and Kurt; "I Have Nothing," performed by Kurt; "I Wanna Dance with Somebody," performed by Brit-Brit and Santana; "It's Not Right but It's Okay," performed by Blaine, with everyone except Kurt providing judgmental backup; "My Love Is Your Love," performed by Mercedes and Artie; " target="_new">Saving All My Love for You," performed by Quinn and New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up; and "So Emotional," performed by Santana and Rachel.
Now somebody come to my house and make me a croque madame!
We open on a gaggle of morose teens gathered around a locker, in which they've constructed a shrine to Whitney Houston. This parliament of crows is made up of Mercedes, Kurt, Santana, and Rachel. They have lit candles in their little locker shrine. I guess burning the school down would be one way of putting this show out of its misery. Mercedes is singing an a cappella version of "How Will I Know," and the others join in as they walk down the hall. Will gives them a worried look as they proceed down the corridor. Which either means they're singing out loud or a worried Will is part of their joint fantasy. Or maybe they're just so inured to his omnipresent worrying face that their collective subconscious can't help but picture him there.
The song continues as they walk into the library. Before long, they transition to the auditorium. Good lord, the amazing sparkly gown that Santana is wearing on stage just made me a little bit straight. The others all look lovely too. But seriously, that dress is a killer. The song finishes and we cut to the title card. That song alone would have been a great tribute to Whitney Houston. But instead we've got the rest of this episode to suffer through.
Will is in Emma's office, consulting with her about the fact that the glee kids are still obsessing over Whitney's death a couple of months after she died. After not obsessing over it for the last couple of months. Emma hands will a pamphlet entitled, "Princess Di: Why I Can't Stop Crying?" She tells him the story of her own two-month mourning period after Diana died, which she now understands was caused by the fact that she was really mourning the end of her childhood as she prepared to leave high school. I love the idea that teenage Emma made this pamphlet so she could hand it to people to explain why she was crying. Anyway, they decide that the kids have latched onto Whitney in a similar response to their upcoming graduation.
Choir room. Rachel and Mercedes are arguing over whether The Bodyguard was originally written for Barbra Streisand or Diana Ross. I thought it was written for Divine? No, Will informs us that it was written for Ms. Ross. And then he tells them that the week's theme is Whitney. Duh. Didn't he hear that opening number? Or see all the ads for the episode? They decide that they'll ignore all of Whitney's personal problems and focus on her musical legacy. Will wants them to prepare Whitney Houston songs that express their emotions about the upcoming end of the season. I mean "school." And, for some of them, the upcoming non-renewal of their contracts. Santana basically tells Will to shove his psychobabble where the sun don't shine (which is deep down in his overly gelled hair). Rachel doesn't care about Will's misguided attempt to provide musical therapy, since the theme means she gets to tackle Whitney's 1991 rendition of "The Star-Spangled Banner."