Schuester/Pillsbury dining room. Will comes home to find Emma meeting with Mr. Lavender, who turns out to be a butch ex-marine whose actual name is "La-VEN-der." Emma and Mr. Lavender start throwing ideas at Will, and he interrupts to tell them that he'll need a stage for the reception, because he will be rapping. Please God let that episode be Demian's to recap. And the stage will need to be big enough for the glee club, since they'll also be performing. Mr. Lavender tells them there's no venue available in May that can accommodate a stage. So there's a blowup about the date, and Will fires Mr. Lavender.
Boys locker room. Sam is lifting weights and for some reason there's porn music playing. I mean, that's really playing, right? It's not just in my head? Anyway, New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up enters and tells Sam he wants to talk about Quinn. Sam knows that he's into Quinn and tells him that she appears to be into him as well. New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up wants advice on what to do about his "feelings." Sam: "Here's the thing about me. I can be super helpful, but when you ask me stuff you have to be real specific." It's so nice to find a character with some self-awareness. Even if it is just self-awareness that he's dumb. Sam's not so dumb that he doesn't realize that New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up is talking about "in your pants feelings." While New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up is looking for advice on how to resist temptation, Sam's more interested in telling him that you should just give into it (which he did while working as a stripper), since there's no fighting biology. Sam thinks New Guy With Gross Hair Whose Name Demian Can't Be Bothered To Look Up is going to have to choose between God and Quinn. Um, can't the two of them date without having sex?
Kurt's bedroom. He enters bearing a tray with a cheese plate for his and Blaine's Being Bobby Brown marathon when Blaine asks him who Chandler is. Kurt, if you're going to carry on a non-sexual texting affair, you have got to learn to keep your phone with you at all times. That's like rule number one of having an affair. The fact that he left his phone in the room with Blaine while a stream of texts came in from Chandler is how Blaine learned about the non-sexual texting affair. Blaine labels Kurt's activity as cheating. Kurt points out that Blaine used to text and call Sebastian, but Blaine notes that he was clear with Sebastian that he didn't like him, and the texts weren't flirty. Blaine realizes that Kurt likes Chandler, and Kurt cops to liking the way he makes him feel, since Blaine has stopped complimenting him or flirting with him. Kurt just can't accept the point of view that what he's doing is cheating.