Cut to the music room, where Miss Pillsbury scrawls the word "DIVA" in gigantic letters on the whiteboard while Bloaty The Gravy Clown opens things up by claiming that this evening's Diva Week is "all about finding your inner powerhouse." Sounds kinky. Frankenteen then turns the proceedings over to Miss Pillsbury, who cites the Internet in order to define the term "diva" like so: "A fierce, often temperamental singer who comes correct. She is not a trick-ass ho, and she does not sweat the haters." Artie and Not-So-Unique nod solemnly in agreement with this while New Puck mopes -- loudly -- that The Glee Guys are getting screwed over this week. Dreamboat Blaine, ever helpful, shoots forward in his seat to remind everyone that men can be divas, too, though for some incomprehensible reason, he neglects to add, "And I should know -- I dated one for two fucking years."

And as Miss Pillsbury descends into an oblivious and lengthy lecture detailing the many restaurant-related travails of her own inner diva, Urethra Franklin leans in to school the other children up in the cheap seats like so: "Y'all might as well just quit while you're ahead, because there are only two ways to spell Unique, and one of them is D-I-V-A, okay?" "Shantay, I stay," Not-So-Unique continues, addressing what follows primarily to Single-T Tina, "and it will be brought, dished out, and served and mopped up by the time you even pick out a wig!" Hilariously, Artie's face goes all, "Ooooh! No, she better don't!" while Single-T Tina tosses back a little shade of her own by asserting, "I have more diva in my little finger than you have in your whole angry inch!" Ouch! Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel tries to join in on all the fun by calling Single-T Tina out on all the trash the latter's been talking since the school year began and, after Dreamboat Blaine and Our Dear Miss Brit-Brit add their respective two or three cents to the conversation, Urethra unhinges her lower jaw to blast us all into...

...a shamefully fun fantasy sequence that also just happens to be this evening's first big musical number. Brittany, Not-So-Unique, Single-T Tina, Dreamboat Blaine, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel, and Kitty rise from their seats and prance right on out of the music room while singing Beyoncé's execrable "Diva," and while you couldn't pay me to endure more than three seconds of the all-too-serious original video, I have zero problems watching this show's far more entertaining take on the song over and over and over again. Yeah, they basically lifted the whole backstage-bitchery-to-catwalk-fierceness thing directly from George Michael's "Too Funky" clip, but it works, so whatever.