Unfortunately, Tina ignores me, and things only get worse when Blaine presents her with the playlist of "classic" diva songs he's picked out for her consideration. She's really quite touched, you see, to realize how highly he thinks of her abilities and potential when she sees the list is full of career-defining hits by such deathless icons of days gone by as Cher and Madonna. God, teenagers are dumb.
Unfortunately, Dreamboat Blaine's barely started in with the jabbering about potential costuming ideas when the NyQuil he took decides to kick in, and after he emits a mighty series of jaw-cracking yawns, Single-T Tina suggests he lie down for a bit. Dreamboat Blaine wearily agrees, and he's of course dead asleep seconds after his overly-gelled head hits the pillow, though Tina won't realize this for a few minutes. That poor girl. "I've been reading a lot about divas," she begins, kicking off what's sure to be a heartfelt little monologue, "and the biggest thing is that they're brutally honest, and if I'm going to be a diva, then I have to be honest, too." Here it comes. "I'm falling in love with you," she admits, "and I realize that this could be a tragic one-way thing, but even if we end up having just a sexless relationship -- which many Asian girls and gay men do -- it'd be worth it." Getting no response from him, and feeling too embarrassed and exposed and whatnot to turn around and face him, she blinks back a couple of tears and half-jokingly begs, "Please say something, here, before I die." Blaine remains silent, so she finally pivots on the bed and realizes he's been unconscious this entire time. Oh, Tina!
And then, to make matters worse, she straddles his sleeping form, unbuttons his shirt, and gently works some of the VapoRub into his freshly-waxed chest. That done, Tina wipes away the bitter, bitter tear now trickling down her cheek, snuggles up next to him in the bed, and... listens to him snore for the next five or six hours? I guess. Poor Tina.
Fake Drama School In New York. About thirty or so students -- including The Horrible Hooker's sycophants and St. Gay's Meth Head Grandpa -- file into a classroom to listen as Dean Geyer explains the Midnight Madness rules to the audience: One song at a time, two singers per song, with the winner of each round chosen by a simple majority vote. With those preliminaries out of the way, Dean Geyer calls The Horrible Hooker and St. Gay to the front of the room and presents them with their randomly selected number, which is this thing from the one musical I hate above all others. St. Gay's up first, but that doesn't really matter because they end up cutting between the two throughout to save on time, and while I can't stand the song at all -- AT ALL -- even I can tell that Rachel clearly outperforms St. Gay. Clearly. I mean, it's not even close, here. In fact, it's a little insulting when St. Gay ends up winning, anyway -- because of course he does, because this subplot would have even less of a point if he lost -- but as I am only too eager to put this episode in my rear-view mirror, I'll choose not to dwell, and instead zip ahead past this evening's next commercial break to land in...