School. Single-T Tina catches up with Artie, apologizes for yesterday's fiasco in the music room, pushes into his hands a ream of research she conducted last night on the Internet regarding alternative therapies for spinal-cord injuries, exhorts him not to give up on his dream, kisses him in the middle of a massive lens flare, and NEXT!

Rachel's exceedingly chaste boudoir, where Jesse St. James waits patiently while Rachel ransacks the "little Rachel Berry Museum" her fathers keep in the basement for papers and artifacts related to her birth and early years. She finally arrives from below with two bankers boxes that hold, among other things, a jar of her baby teeth, an ultrasound showing her in fifth position in her mother's womb, the trophy she won at her first singing competition when she was eight months old, and the analog cassette tape labeled "From Idina Menzel To Her Biological Daughter, Rachel Berry" that Jesse St. James surreptitiously slipped from his pocket while Rachel's back was turned. DUN! Delightfully devious Jesse St. James immediately leaps to play the thing on Rachel's ancient boombox, but Rachel rises to her feet in protest, pleading that it's much too soon, and that everything's happening too fast. Jesse makes wounded noises, but Rachel will not be swayed, and she banishes him -- temporarily -- from her boudoir. NEXT!

Lima Theatre Guild. As volunteer carpenters lug pieces of the Les Miz set from one side of the stage to the other, a solidly built matron auditions for the musical's rotund director with a badly mangled version of "Big Spender" from Sweet Charity. Meanwhile, out in the auditorium, Will and Bryan Ryan are horrified to realize they both intend to try out for Jean Valjean with -- of course -- "The Impossible Dream" from Man Of La Mancha. The two quickly descend into loud bickering, with both laying claim to Dream On" as their alternate audition piece, and the petty yowling reaches such volume that the rotund director halts the solidly built matron's caterwauling to order Will and Bryan Ryan onstage for an Aerosmith duet, pronto, and finally we get a goddamned musical number up in this ungodly mess of an episode.