And after that lovely little moment that may or may not have been sincere on Jesse St. James's part, the bell rings, and the two amble out into the hallway, where Jesse wonders what Rachel's real dream is. "When you lie awake at night," he asks her, "what's missing?" "My mom," she admits, and I'm calling it right now: Idina Menzel is Rachel's birth mother, and we will receive confirmation of this before tonight's episode is over. And now that Rachel's conundrum of the week has thus been so efficiently established and resolved, let's jump with the camera as it leaps back to...

...the music room, where Single-T Tina taps her troubles away, and I have no problem informing you all that Jenna Ushkowitz is no Matthew Morrison. Hell, she isn't even Rita Moreno, and Rita Moreno -- God love her -- can't tap-dance to save her life. In any event, Artie's there with her, and they've affixed taps to the big wheels on his chair so he makes appropriate noises when they spin around, but Artie's deeply dissatisfied with the results. "I sound like someone put tap shoes on a horse and shot it," he half-smiles, trying to make light of the moment. He then asks Tina to fetch a pair of canes he borrowed from some random we'll never see who happens to have cerebral palsy, and he makes to stand with them, reasoning that the "super-human upper-body strength" he's developed from years of wheeling himself around should allow him to drag himself across the floor. Of course, he's wrong, and Kevin McHale's burly thirtysomething stunt double -- you know, the one with the remarkably broad shoulders and the unusually healthy forearms -- face-plants into the linoleum the instant Artie attempts to propel himself forward, and if I cared at all about this subplot, it would all be so very, very sad, but I don't, so it isn't, and NEXT!