Glee

Episode Report Card
Demian: C- | Grade It Now!
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Tigers? At Night? With Voices Soft As Thunder?
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously on Pee-Wee's Playhouse: "Voice."

Will, having been summoned to the Maharishi's lair, pokes his portable Superfund site of hair-care products through the principal's door to wonder waht gives. Maharishi Figgins wastes not an instant in introducing Will to the school board's newest member, and it's that beloved international star of stage and screen Neil Patrick Harris! Well, it's actually "Bryan Ryan," but Bryan Ryan is being played by that beloved international star of stage and screen Neil Patrick Harris, and I don't think I really needed to spell it out for you like that, but whatever, and where was I, again? Oh, yes: Beloved International Star Of Stage And Screen Neil Patrick Harris pivots in his chair to offer Will a chipper, "We've met!" and Will instantly finds himself hurtling headlong into a...

...FLASHBACK! "Bryan. Ryan!" Will's voiceover narrates, positively dripping with loathing and contempt as it reminisces, "We went to school together, and he made my life a living hell. He was two years older, dated every girl I liked, got every solo..." And by now, the visual's caught up with the flashback's piano vamp to reveal a bemulleted Bryan Ryan dueting on The Monkees' "Daydream Believer" with a perkily permed blonde atrocity who's sporting some rancid black acid-wash jeans beneath one of The Limited's deathless takes on early-'90s plaid grungewear, and she's accessorized this with a black braided belt I've no doubt she picked up with her employee discount at The Gap, and I'm so distracted by the sheer hideousness of her outfit and hair-don't that I nearly miss the amateurish sleight-of-hand Flashback Bryan Ryan pulls to yank a colorful bouquet of feather flowers out of his nasty grey-on-grey checkerboard-patterned Cosby sweater, and oh, my God, make it stop! Make it stop! Though to be fair, no one else in the Flashback McKinley Music Room's looking any better, what with the veritable cornucopia of trashy Baja hoodies and eye-searing print button-downs on display, not to mention the various Ohndrea Zuckerman wannabes liberally sprinkled about the scene. (And no, I had no idea Original Recipe Link Larkin was featured in that 90210 clip when I chose it, but his presence does make the selection seem rather serendipitous, don't you think?) One of the unfortunate Ohndrea Wannabes is, in fact, seated right next to Flashback Will, who's grinning through a mouthful of braces like the pimply fourteen-year-old idiot he's supposed to be at the moment until Flashback Bryan Ryan's mighty feat of prestidigitation leaves him gape-mouthed with awe. "What's the matter, Schuester?" Bryan Ryan snides. "Cat got your talent?" Um. What?

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Glee

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