We slip immediately into what I have to believe is a fantasy performance sequence, what with the elaborate costumes, orchestrations, sets, and choreography on display, though you should know the show muddies that interpretation considerably by having the kids cheer Kurt from the auditorium's seats at the end of it all. But I'm getting ahead of myself, I suppose. The song Kurt's chosen is "Le Jazz Hot" and I'll say it right now: Dame Julie Andrews has nothing to worry about. At all. Like she cares, I'm sure, but still.
If it weren't for that impending bit of twee nonsense from Quinn and Sam later on in the episode, I'd call this the worst number of the evening, despite all of the obvious effort that went into its production, and despite the fact that Chris Colfer acquits himself admirably on that almost impossible glissando at the end. And the backup dancers look terrific as well, with all of them -- men and women -- rocking their top hats and white ties and tails, but Kurt's in this bizarrely bifurcated half-black/half-white half-heartedly glittery tuxedo, and there's all of this unnecessary fringe dripping down the white sleeve of the thing that doesn't make any sense at all, and Colfer's voice is obviously and annoyingly overproduced at points, and there's this gross little pointless half-mustache on his upper lip, and the low-rent drag queen who did his girl-side eye makeup should be slapped in her teeth, and feh. I miss Lesley Ann Warren, I guess is what I'm trying to say. She was robbed at that year's Academy Awards. Robbed!
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah: F for Feh. But an A for effort. Next!
Over in McKinley High's astronomy classroom -- no, seriously -- Sam's making some pretty lame planet-related moves on Quinn until she not unkindly tells him to knock it off and talk to her about this duet he's proposing they perform. So, Sam shifts from a planet-based flirtation to a guitar-based one as he attempts to show her how to play a chord or two, and even I have to admit this scene is obnoxiously cute. Not to mention well played not only by Dianna Agron, from whom I've come to expect such things, but also by the ludicrously named Chord Overstreet, who's surprising me again and again this evening with the sheer likability with which he's endowing the character.
Anyway, before this turns into a disgusting bout of unseemly gushing on my part, I'll skip ahead to the bit where Sam moves in to steal a kiss, and Quinn almost lets him have it, but at the last moment she breaks away all, "Nope! Sorry! Not gonna happen! Went through this last year, and it sucked, and I'm never gonna go through that crap again! I know this feeling -- like I need you -- and I don't need you, and I don't need duets, because what I do need is to find a way to keep Santana off my heels, and what I do need is to find a way to torture Rachel, and what I do need is to start learning to ignore people!" You should know that Sam's been babbling apologies throughout that little rant, but Quinn basically holds up a hand to quiet him and claims, "I made a mistake, and I don't want to sing with you." On that, she sweeps out of there, leaving hapless Lady Lips to flail around miserably in her wake. Yeah, they'll be dating by the end of the episode. Commercials.