And the next thing we know, she's chasing Kurt down the hall, nattering, "I had something I wanted to talk to you about." "Please not another pregnancy," Kurt sighs as he swings open his locker to reach for a can of hairspray. Undaunted, Rachel continues, "I think that you and I are a little bit more similar than you think." Pause. Kurt: "That's a terrible thing to say. [Pfffffffffffffffff!]" That last bit would indicate Chris Colfer contemptuously spraying his hair with an exquisite sense of comic timing. In any event, Rachel blows past his attitude to call him out on his loneliness, and she gives him a little pep talk regarding same before asking if he'd like to perform a duet with her. "But the duet competition is over," he wearily reminds her. "I know," she shrugs, "but I just thought this one could be for me and you." Kurt takes a moment, but smiles gratefully at her just as the final bell rings.

BreadstiX. And because I am fully aware of the heartbreaking image that ends this scene, I'll be skimming through Quinn and Sam's first non-date date for the relevant bits: Lady Lips transferred from an all-boys boarding school, which is why he's been so lame all evening with the Matthew McConaughey impressions and the unfunny jokes and the Na'vi, but he wins Quinn over with his earnest charm and his sincere admiration for her ability to overcome last year's unpleasantness with that out-of-wedlock infant and such. Oh, and he puts lemon juice in his hair. Got all that? Good, because the closing vamp just kicked in on the soundtrack, and I'm already getting a little verklempt. Quinn slips the gift certificate into her purse, because "a gentleman always pays on the first date," and as the vamp continues, the camera slides to the next booth, where it finds Brittany, alone, nudging a meatball across her plate with her nose, and I... I just... I think I have something in my eye. Fuck you, Artie.

And by the time I've regained my composure, the camera's cut back to the music room, where Kurt and Rachel perform the justifiably legendary medley of "Get Happy" and "Happy Days Are Here Again" from The Judy Garland Show, with Kurt as Judy and Rachel -- of course -- as Barbra, right down to that little satin sailor's middy she's donned for the occasion. And while I much prefer the original, I'm not going to be too critical of this cover, partly because it's perfectly fine for what it's trying to accomplish in this episode, but mainly because I needed to be done with this recap, like, five minutes ago, and my fingers hurt. By the way, they break away from Rachel and Kurt at various relevant moments to show us little vignettes of Sad Brittany watching from a distance as Finn wheels Artie through the high school hallways, and of Kurt tucking his father in at night, but most of the cutaways are to the others, smiling down upon Rachel and Kurt from the music room risers.