McKinley High has gone superhero crazy. It seems like everybody but Jake, Marley, Kitty, and Ryder has joined Blaine's superhero club under such aliases as Queen Bee, the Human Brain, and Asian Persuasion. After a disastrous first session as glee club coach, Finn takes the Biestemaster's advice and embraces the superhero geekery, assigning arch-nemeses Jake and Ryder and Kitty and Marley to sing duets dressed as superheroes. And things seem to work out (as detailed below). So now Finn feels like he's actually ready to lead the New Directions.
The Jake and Ryder duet starts out great but turns into a fist fight when the two of them spend the entire song trying to make time with Marley. Finn decides that the only appropriate step is to have them each reveal their greatest fear to the other, so they'll appreciate their blah blah blah. Jake's greatest weakness is that he never feels like he belongs. Ryder's is that he's illiterate. Or, more precisely, dyslexic. Which he learns only after Jake tells Finn about Ryder's reading problem and Finn drags him to special ed teacher for an evaluation. So now Jake and Ryder are friends.
Kitty continues to undermine Marley's self-confidence by making her feel fat and talentless. Yet she also bucks her up enough that the two of them turn in a killer duet performance. You'd think the fact that two hot guys are fighting over her would make her feel pretty good. But Jake backs off now that Ryder is his friend, based on advice he gets from Puck in a quick phone call, in which Puck tells him that he should be nice and just wait for the girl of his dreams to come to him. It's a short wait -- Ryder cancels a date with Marley due to an appointment with a dyslexia specialist, and Marley takes matters into her own hands and asks Jake out. So maybe Jake and Ryder won't be friends for long.
The real action in the episode revolves around Blaine. It seems that Hunter, new captain of the Warblers, has stolen the Nationals trophy from the music room. Blaine goes to Warbler Town to investigate, and learns that the theft was just a way to lure Blaine into a trap -- a trap that basically consists of begging him to come back to Dalton and the Warblers. Sick with guilt and pain over Kurt, Blaine decides to accept. But then Sam reminds him that the people at McKinley are just nicer than the overprivileged Dalton kids, and he decides to stick around. But not before the Blond Chameleon and Night Bird liberate the trophy and return it to its rightful home.
If I'm going to work on Thanksgiving, I'll be damned if I look up video links for all the songs. But I can still tell you what they were: Kelly Clarkson's "My Dark Side," performed by Blaine and the Warblers; Bonnie Tyler's "Holding Out for a Hero," performed by Kitty and Marley; David Bowie's "Heroes," performed by Sam and Blaine; fun's "Some Nights," performed by the New Directions; and The Clique's "Superman," performed by Ryder and Jake. (Yes, I know that many of you think that "Superman" is by R.E.M. Their version, well known as it is, is just a cover.)
Hail, True Believers! Prepare yourselves for this pulse-pounding tale of high school rivalries and learning disabilities! After tonight, nothing will be the same! Or, rather, it'll likely return to exactly the status quo. Also, according to the "Previously, on Glee" guy, Sectionals are next week. Whatever.
Apparently, the members of the Superhero Sidekicks Appreciation Club have all graduated to being full-fledged superheroes, because Blaine, dressed in black and blue spandex and satin, gavels us into a meeting of the Secret Society of Superheroes Club. Blaine, fan of the form as he is, knows that all superhero meetings start with the roll call, so we're quickly introduced to the assembled members, all suitably costumed: Asian Persuasion (Tina), whose power is manipulation; the Blond Chameleon (Sam), whose power is impersonation; Tarantula Head (guess who?), whose power is flicking his gross hair at you, causing you to flee lest it touch you; Sweet and Spicy (Sugar Motta), whose power is money; and half a dozen other kids whose power is apparently mutism, because they're never allowed to speak. I see no sing of Mike Chang (also known as Unexcused Absence Boy) or Mercedes (Missing Paying Gigs Girl), so they must have returned whence they came.
Blaine then calls forth the candidates for membership. Artie and some others enter the picture, and Artie addresses Blaine by his name. Blaine testily reminds him that in the Society of Superheroes, they never reveal their secret identities. He's not Blaine, he's "Night Bird, the Nocturnal [please say Emitter, please say Emitter] Avenger." He also reminds Artie, in a bald cap and (as usual) in his wheelchair, that members aren't allowed to copy existing superheroes whose copyright owners have expensive lawyers on retainer. So Artie changes his name to Doctor Y, and his power become wheelies. He's joined by Queen Bee (Becky), whose power is being able to sting like a bitch, and the Human Brain (Brit-Brit), whose power is being completely mystifying. A screaming eagle sound lets us know that a text has arrived on Night Bird's night phone, but it's just Asian Persuasion trying to use her powers of manipulation to pushing him into a reconciliation with Kurt. He rebuffs her efforts, and is interrupted when Chai Tea (Tina's freshman assistant) runs and calls them all to the music room.
Cut to the lot of them speeding down the hallway, capes flapping behind them while '60s horns bleat on the soundtrack. In the music room, they find that the Nationals trophy they won last year is missing. In its place, a laptop with the words "Press Play" on the screen. Night Bird ignores the fact that this is an obvious trap and presses play. We see a video of a villain in a Dalton Academy jacket, face pixellated to oblivion and holding the trophy, as his distorted voice promises to take their title, just as he took their trophy.