Glee
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Episode Report Card
Demian: B | 1 USERS: B
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MINAAAAAAAAAAJ!

Anyway, Mr. Schue puts the result of this particular competition up to a vote, because he's a dick, and Coach Sylvester wins with the support of every child in the room save Dreamboat Blaine's Number-One Hag. Coach Sylvester chuckles to herself for a moment, then addresses her newest Cheerio like so: "Well, I hope you're ready for some form-fitting polyester, Gay Clark Kent From Season One Of Smallville, because it looks like you're going to be the bottom of my Cheerios pyramid after all!" Muah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Dreamboat Blaine is crushed.

Later that evening, Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel arrives at the school to offer Bloaty The Gravy Clown a handmade thank-you card in appreciation of all that hard work he never did while he was in charge of the choir, plus a little piece of advice: "Grow a pair." Sweetie, we've been screaming that at him since 2009 -- what makes you think he's gonna listen to you? They chit-chat some more, and it eventually leads to this evening's next commercial break.

Their chit-chat also led to Frankenteen resolving to pursue a teaching degree, but we all know that's never happening, so I went with the commercial break instead up there. I'm sure you understand.

Random Classroom. New Finn arrives to find Stupid Boring New Idiot Rachel, New Puck, and Not-So-Unique waiting for him, and long story short, they all kiss and make up. Well, except for the kissing part. And I was just going to zip through all of this dullness and blah, but that would mean skipping this: "Friendship is about trust," New Finn earnestly tells New Puck, moving in close so everyone knows he's serious. "It's like when we're playing football," he continues. "I fumbled the ball this time, but you know I have good hands." They're totally having sex with each other, right? I mean, I'm not just imagining all of this, am I? I'm so confused!

In any event, Kitty pops her head in just in time to hear Urethra tell of an unfortunate incident wherein she was nearly assaulted by a roving pack of hateful bitches, and here's something that didn't occur to me until right this very instant: Not-So-Unique's near-assault flashback was presented to us in washed-out tones of grey and beige, rather than the traditionally vibrant colors we're used to seeing on this series. Do you think that means she's making it up? Or am I reading too much into that particular visual choice because a lie here from Urethra would be so much more interesting than yet another woeful tale of teenage martyrdom from this goddamned show? I just saw St. Gay Of Lima, honey, and he's not coming down from that cross anytime soon, so I don't know where you think you're gonna nail your hands.

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Glee

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