Glee
Funeral

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Demian: B- | Grade It Now!
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In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

"New Directions!" Mr. Schue begins right there in the music room, and the group's name sounds even filthier when it makes up the first words of the episode, but that's sort of beside the point, I guess. "I'd like to introduce you," Mr. Schue continues, "to our new show-choir consultant, Jesse St. James!" The camera pulls back a bit to reveal a smiling Jesse St. James standing at Mr. Schue's side while Rachel bursts into immediate and obnoxiously enthusiastic applause from her place over in the cheap seats with the rest of the children. "I don't trust this guy," Frankenteen announces to the room at large. "How do we know he's not just gonna trick us into doing something stupid so his alma mater wins?" "I don't think I need to do much tricking to get you to do something stupid, Finn," Jesse replies, and point to Mr. St. James. Hilariously enough, all of the kids visible in the reaction shot are popping their eyes out and mouthing stuff like "Hooooo!" and "Buuuuurn!" except for Finn, who just sits there looking like a slackjawed dumbass, and Santana Lopez, who casts an appraising eye upon Jesse St. James all, "And people think I'm a bitch? Damn."

Mr. Schue insists that Jesse's merely a consultant and promises that he himself will be making the final call on all aspects of the group's impending Nationals performance, because that's such a comfort to us all given the impeccable judgment Mr. Schue's always shown in the past. Mr. Schue also tells the kids, "We should continue with our successful trend of doing original songs for the competition," and do I need to point out that once is not a trend? Good, because that's not really the point of all this. The point of all this is that Mr. Schue is also of the opinion that they should perform one group number and one duet. Finn immediately and loudly claims the duet should be his and Rachel's, boasting, "We killed at last year's Regionals with 'Faithfully'!" "Yeah," Quinn mutters at his side, "you killed us -- we lost." Wow. Is this gonna be an episode where everyone just dumps on Finn for an entire hour? 'Cause I would be totally fine with that. Just saying.

Jesse interrupts at this juncture to note he agrees that Rachel should take one half of the proposed duet. "But Finn," he adds, "I think it's best if you sit this one out." Here it comes. "Fact is," Jesse continues, never letting that bright, upbeat tone I love so much leave his voice, "most of the other guys in here are better singers, and Mike Chang -- who can't even sing -- can at least dance. You kind of sing and dance like a zombie who has to poop." Kurt, Puck, Lauren, Sam, and I dissolve into giggle fits while Frankenteen immediately gets all outraged and such, lurching about in his chair and bellowing, "You see what I'm talking about? This guy's a jerk!" Meanwhile, Mr. Schue -- and God love him for this -- doesn't even bother disputing Jesse's assessment of Finn's so-called gifts, and instead chooses to suggest that Jesse be a little "gentler" with his criticisms. "Gentle?" Jesse eyebrows. "I'm sorry," he states, of course not sorry in the least, "I didn't realize we were training for the 'Good Try!' ribbon at Nationals -- I thought we were in it to win the whole damn thing." Lauren Zizes is intrigued. "And there's only one way we can do that," Jesse suggests. "Poison darts?" dear little Brit-Brit guesses.

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