Episode Report Card
Demian: B- | 1 USERS: A+
You Ain't Got No Kind of Feeling Inside

Thus left to their own devices, Puck and Finn amble aimlessly through the aisles until eagle-eyed Sheets 'N' Things connoisseur Sandy Ryerson spots them in his peripheral vision and imperiously summons the "apron boys" over for a consult. "You're not gonna fondle us, are you?" Puck pouts, and do you really want to tempt the poor man like that, Puckerman? Fortunately for Puck's unblemished virtue, Sandy's there simply to shop 'til he drops, mainly because he's recently redone his bathroom as "an homage to Miss Jayne Mansfield," so he'll be needing that cunning little cat-shaped toilet-brush holder in rose rather than amaranth, thank you very much. Of course, neither Puck nor Finn has any idea what the insane old closet case is talking about, so Sandy launches himself into a brief tirade regarding the utter uselessness of The Kids Today before sending Puck off to switch on the Muzak, because Sandy Ryerson cannot shop for rose pink bathroom tchotchkes without his goddamned Kenny G!

And in this episode's most entertaining musical interlude, Puck stomps over to switch on Sheets 'N' Things' in-store stereo system, then spins around to throw himself into a fantasy sequence set to Beck's "Loser" in which, eventually, he's joined by several of his fellow drudgery-deadened sham-slingers including Finn, Terri, and Howard Bamboo, right before everyone in the store gathers around the registers to howl the chorus at the indifferent heavens. Of especial note: Puck cruising Sheets 'N' Things for MILFs while singing about "beefcake pantyhose," whatever that means, and Howard Bamboo's solemnly authoritative "Yo." Hee. Unfortunately for everyone involved -- particularly the audience -- reality intrudes all too soon, and the number's cut off almost before it really gets going when Real Terri bolts for the stereo system to adjust the volume down to something approaching non-hemorrhage levels. She unleashes a thoroughly harassed sigh, then spins around to find Puck still strumming his fantasy guitar in the middle of the aisle. "I thought Jews were supposed to be smart," Terri sniffs. HA! She sends him off to restock the space heaters, then finds herself completely addled when Will materializes in a Sheets 'N' Things uniform to wonder, shyly, if Mrs. Schuester could show him how to fold a sham again. Of course, because Terri's actually lapsed into a momentary fantasy of her own, it's really Finn who's asking that question, and Terri flusters about for a bit before she thinks to wonder how old he is. "Sixteen," Finn replies, clueless. "Oh!" Terri exclaims, her eyes suddenly afire once more with her trademark batshit psychosis, and I will say this right now: If Terri decides to go all Mrs. Robinson on Finn's dimwitted ass in Season Two, I will have absolutely no problems at all with that storyline.

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