Locker room. Lady Lips Von Bieberhausen pumps some reps with a pair of hand weights, admiring his pallid reflection in the mirrors until Frankenteen lumbers over to kick-start Sam's worthless storyline for this evening. Seems Lady Lips intends to recapture the position of quarterback because Lady Lips is sick of being slushied, and he believes that leading McKinley's football team to victory will exempt him from such tawdry treatment in the future. Finn, feeling threatened, rather bitchily warns that gridiron glory won't put Sam back on top, especially since Sam can't get Quinn to be his girlfriend. "I'm working on that, too," Sam notes, and the next thing we know, we've shot over to...

...McKinley's still inexplicable astronomy classroom, where Sam and Quinn find themselves mired in a lengthy and boring sequence that basically boils down to this: Sam drops to one knee, presents Quinn with a promise ring, vows to be there for her whenever she needs him, and expresses his determination to marry her someday. Quinn quite rightly thinks he's crazy, tells him as much in so many words, and breezes on out of there to her next class. Next!

Hall. For some reason, Kurt's decided to store Burt and Carole's cake topper in his locker, and he's presently busy smiling down fondly at the thing when Frankenteen lurches over to discuss the "Wedding Day Itinerary" Kurt prepared at some point in the last four minutes. "Are you sure we should release three hundred live doves indoors?" Finn wonders. "Won't that get kind of...messy?" "That's why we feed them glitter," Kurt replies, and it's a shame I hate this wedding crap so much, because the idea of Kurt force-feeding glitter to doves so he can get some festive bird shit on his father's special day really is kind of funny.