Episode Report Card
Demian: D | 2 USERS: B-
The Tribulation Of Saint Kurt

On second thought, fuck that idea right in the ear, because Burt's babbling about God grabbing him roughly by the shoulders, and it's starting to sound like some exceptionally perverse piece of fan fiction, so all of these people can rot in Hell. Just know that both Burt and Carole use their speeches to lavish an uncomfortable amount of praise upon Saint Kurt -- to the point where even I started to feel sorry for Finn, of all the doltish toolbags -- and then they exchange rings, and it's over. Jesus, TV weddings suck. Also: More commercials.

Reception. We arrive back from the break just in time to catch the newlyweds' first dance together, and it's set to the English language version of Pablo Beltrán Ruiz's "¿Quién será?" better known as "Sway." Mr. Schue's taking the honors at the microphone, and it's about as bland as bland can be, though Burt and Carole do seem to be having a lot of fun, so, you know. Good for them. I guess. And when it's over, Mr. Schue calls Frankenteen to the floor so the latter might gift us all with his toast to the bride and groom, and normally, I would endeavor to jot down everything that is said, but after Finn takes a moment to thank his mother for everything she's done for him, he starts nattering about all of those asinine 'shipper names like "Finchel" and "Puckleberry," and my ears are bleeding, and I think I'm about to vomit all over my keyboard, so I'll be skipping ahead to the part where Finn finally gets to the goddamn motherfucking point already. And as that goddamn motherfucking point appears to be "Saint Kurt is the most amazing and superspecial person on the planet, and aren't we just blessed to be in his amazing and superspecial presence?" -- at his mother's frigging wedding, mind you -- I'll be skipping ahead to the part where he introduces an amazing and superspecial presentation the Glee Club has thrown together in Saint Kurt's honor. At his mother's frigging wedding. HATE.

ANY-way, the wholly inappropriate presentation is New Directions' version of Bruno Mars's "Just The Way You Are," and Bruno Mars must be making fucking bank on this godforsaken episode, so, you know. Good for him. I guess. The kids swarm the dance floor to get things started while Finn handles most of the singing on his own, but after a bit, Frankenteen drags Saint Kurt from the head table so they might unapologetically foxtrot with each other, and then Carole and Burt jump up to join in all of the so-called "fun," and by the time we head into the next commercial break, all of the guests are on their feet as well. And that's pretty much all I have to say about that. Next!

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